Diagnosed BPD wife. Two years later and divorce is happening soon. My thoughts

[WalkingonEggshel]

Hello all,

I have been on this website for a while.  Lots of ups and down and tried everything possible (including an open relationship offer) however, I have reached a point where any hope/light at the end of the tunnel is gone.  Many times I have felt guilty about preparing for a divorce over the past month and a bit.  Usually short lived as an "episode" has been around the corner by a few days every time (including a new emotional affair recently).  I can honestly say the best time I have had over the last few years was when my wife was away at a treatment center for two months.  The kids seemed to flourish during that time and I saw a side of them I greatly miss now that their mother is back and chaos has ensued. All the second, third, fourth and more chances I gave her to show me anything that says she will change and stop the lies, manipulations and infidelities' make me think that perhaps I did this to myself and allowed her to walk all over me without any consequences.
That being said, I will say I am happy I did the things the way I have and gave my wife the opportunity to help me make our marriage work.  I know I will not look back on this time and think "what if I did more or what if I gave her one more chance?".  
I know this is far from the end of this and just the beginning of another chapter, one in which I can effectively raise my children and communicate with their mother.  I know she will be making the transition and future with the kids as difficult as possible but something to address when going for custody of the children perhaps?

This group has been extremely helpful to me and I plan to keep posting on my experiences with divorce and what the final outcome is.

I hope my thoughts touch someone here and keeps them focus on what's important.  Children (if thats the case) or themselves.  There is no use trying to help, fix and carry someone else through life as it will only decrease the value of yours.

[Hope 2021]

WalkingonEggshel!

    Best of luck to you and your kids!    I'm going exactly through the same scenario...  What if...  I have done that so many times and these types of people only see it their way - in their eyes, they are doing what's best for them only, without the pain and suffering that will cause to the same people who love them...   Hard to comprehend.  But that's how they live every single day.   And they will not take responsibility for their actions and they blame everything that's going wrong in their lives to the loving partner.   I have been going to therapy for a month and her last comment to me was just very realistic...  why am I still with her after 20 years?   I believe in forgiveness and compassion...   unfortunately, it works both ways...  Keep charging my friend.