Breakup seems like coming

[NC14]

I have been dating my SO for almost 3 years.  We each have been married before.  I have trauma related to abandonment and avoid conflict. Early on I broke up with him for a week and came back.  Since then he's broken up with me many times. He made a comment recently that "you started this" in regard to the state of our on again of again.  He's always conflicted of what wants and it seems I can't do anything right lately with my words. I do tend to react when I don't feel heard.  We had agreed to go to therapy, but had a "disagreement " a day ago and he's gone silent. He got upset at how I responded to him via text,  and I see after that maybe I could have worked more gently,  I apologized immediately but he been silent for over 24 hours.  This is after him being distant all week physically throwing himself into work and only checking in sporadically. Last week he was very attentive and around, making plans... then it shifted, we had a difficult convo. About some future plans,  then he pulled away after it. He hasn't told me he has BPD, but it seems like it.  Ask the symptoms line up.  I am trying to give him space and only left a short I love you message today.  I'm hoping we can get to therapy. But his silence is a tell take sign he's withdrawing and possibly to end the relationship. Under BPD Is it possible his agreement to therapy is just words, and not what he wants. I keep going off his words.  Like when last fall he broke up with me and 1 month later came back, promising the world, only to withdraw a week or two later again.  I keep thinking he truly wants us,  we have so much good outside of these moments and struggles... but it's confusing to dicifer if he's fighting his insecurities or stringing me along.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jabiru]

Under BPD Is it possible his agreement to therapy is just words, and not what he wants. I keep going off his words.

Yes, that's definitely possible. Even with therapy, symptoms may still be present although more controlled.

It's common for a pwBPD to have a pattern of unstable relationships. Are you ok with that? Does it interfere with what you're wanting from your life? Are you ok if he backs away from therapy?