He’s living with new woman

[Lulu1]

Hi guys ☺️ So I’ve written here a couple of times about my exwbpd. We met in June ‘19. He cheated and it ended that winter. Anyway, he was very cruel then. Blamed me etcetc. That r/ship didn’t last and by Feb of last year, back talking. With Covid emerging, we just texted as friends. I knew he’d struggle with lockdowns. I stupidly saw him in the summer then he went awol again. Even changed his number.
Lo and behold, he was on dating apps in October so I figured, some fun without strings would be fine. He ALWAYS said he only saw me as that. Sure enough, it went wrong! Any time I got in touch to make an ‘arrangement,’ he took a week to reply or said he was miserable so I lost interest and said forget it.
On Boxing Day he text me and said he was distant because his ex wants custody of their child and I deserved to know. I was understanding. Then he starting saying he wants fwb again- “he doesn’t have the same chemistry or sex” with anyone else. “He isn’t distracted when with me” “sex isn’t just sex” “wants to be more open” I declined saying it was mind games

Anyway, I’m indecisive myself. Hugely & after realising a week later, other men simply bore me, I thought fwb is no issue, I text him. He just said why have I changed my mind. I then said well let’s just be friendly then, no reply. Found out he’d already formed a new relationship.
I need you guys to help pull me out of wanting this person who clearly is no good for me! Why do I go back? He always said he didn’t want commitment with me but his words and actions were always so different that it’s probably why I returned. Like an idiot! Now he’s just lovebombing someone else putting love hearts on their photo! I’m 33, attractive enough, men do show interest- they’re just either boring in bed or dull in general. Why can’t I be happy with this when this wretched bloke doesn’t even care about my feelings...

Hey everyone. I figured I may as well post on my most recent post to be honest and see what wisdom people can off me for my most recent fail! Ok so I took everything written in this thread on board. It really helped; you guys do! I’ve concentrated on myself, work, friends. Struggled with dating but to be honest, I think that’s on me not bpdex. I just haven’t ‘clicked,’ much with anyone. Anyway, I was feeling low yesterday; my own stuff, things I’ve yet to achieve that are niggling at me. Idiotically, I thought of him & had a peek at SM. Eurgh, stupid stupid. He’s with the same woman he found this January it seems, she’s 7 years older than him(maybe that’s good for him I guess.) & they’ve moved into a new house together. Landed some great new job too…

It’s really freaking irritated me! He lands on his feet all the time. She looks ‘alternative/goth’ looking. He’s nothing of the sort, but he did seem into it, which is fine. If she’s pregnant then he’s got everything he wanted- besides his other daughter.
Tell me I’m being stupid for feeling sad haha!

[Sappho11]

You're not stupid at all. You were just lonely.

From what I witness in my circle of acquaintances, a "friends-with-benefits" situation never works out for the woman, ever. It's a sad biological fact that we're primed for attachment through sex, while most men are primed for attachment through chasing sex. They also tend not to respect women who agree to such arrangements, because why would they? It offers no further benefit to them (at least not to those particular men who are after casual relations, a good part of whom are narcissist/mentally unhealthy types in my eyes).

Not judging here, and probably preaching to the choir. Maybe it's a good time to explore the question for yourself why you feel you should be settling in this way? Perhaps you hold some limiting beliefs, which are holding you back; if so, beliefs can be changed.

[Lulu1]

You're not stupid at all. You were just lonely..

Not judging here, and probably preaching to the choir. Maybe it's a good time to explore the question for yourself why you feel you should be settling in this way? Perhaps you hold some limiting beliefs, which are holding you back; if so, beliefs can be changed.

No it’s a fair comment. There are some limited beliefs and I have settled previously for sure. To be honest, I’ve had FWB with other men prior to this ex. It’s worked out fine. I’m a strange one that can sometimes detach. With bpdex, it wouldn’t have worked no. I was emotionally attached. Hell, probably still am. The thing is, I was doing quite a lot better until yesterday. Looking on SM never does anyone any good. I just can never fathom why it always works out for him just fine. Guess it just hurts that he’s happy. I’d try and be happy for him but he was hurtful quite frankly- but then I think, I did allow that so yes, it is those limited beliefs.

[once removed]

I just can never fathom why it always works out for him just fine. Guess it just hurts that he’s happy. I’d try and be happy for him but he was hurtful

it sounds like one part the tendency to compare yourself (easy to do), and one part emotional attachment.

it happens. try your best to just let it measure where you are in your recovery, and see what it tells you. more than likely, you will bounce back within a few days, if you havent already.

how is it going in your life, day to day? part of it may be that you are unsatisfied or unfulfilled.

I just haven’t ‘clicked,’ much with anyone.

you wont, with at least 95% of people (thats just the dating world), but what are you looking for, specifically? have you determined that?

[Lulu1]

Once removed, you’re very right yes, over the last few days, it’s not triggered me so much to be honest. The initial thought shocked me, as it did the last time he ‘threw’ me away. I don’t know, I guess I’m unsatisfied with my own luck. I know exactly what I want from someone but it doesn’t come my way. It angers me that I’m always left feeling this way! I do need to just focus on my gaining my own success