I’m so blown away by Walking on Eggshells

[exasperatedwifey]

When I’m reading this book, it’s like I’m seeing the past 18 years of my life come alive on the page. I’ve wondered for years why, when I have such great relationships with other family members and my friends, I can’t have one that flows with my husband. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy when I’m trying to have a meaningful conversation with him because the things he says to me make no sense at all. I’ve truly never in my life had such a hard time connecting with another human being. Our life together has been so tumultuous and chaotic that I’ve been thinking of leaving just to get some peace. If only the rest of our relationship could be like our sexual one. We are extremely compatible that way. I fit with him like no one else I’ve ever been with.  I love him dearly and want to make this work, but sometimes I feel like he’s drowning and pulling me under with him. In the end, I’m going to save my children and myself. I would just like to find a way to have some semblance of a happy, healthy family life.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Dad50]

I have also been reading this book, which I think is a good start. It is amazing that they could just swap out names and it would be my story, or your story. I am kind of in the same situation as you, but only 5 years in. I can't imagine making it 18 years, but I also am still struggling to make it work. It's pretty crazy making.

[exasperatedwifey]

It’s not been easy. I’m not quite to the part where it tells me what i need to do. But I’m working toward it. I’m at my wits end.

[exasperatedwifey]

I honestly would never have known to look at BPD. I was thinking bipolar…my therapist told me to get this book. I’m so desperate. We’re to the point now where my teenage kids don’t want to have a relationship with my husband. I’m trying to learn what to do to salvage our family.

[ShelleyJ]

I could have written your post myself...except we've only been together about 3 years.
I am currently also reading the book and blown away by each page turn.  I find myself shaking my head "yes" to nearly everything.   

Also, just like you, our sex life is pretty amazing and I wish the rest of our relationship would flow that easily and be that good.

[once removed]

It’s not been easy. I’m not quite to the part where it tells me what i need to do. But I’m working toward it. I’m at my wits end.

you may want to check out a couple of companion pieces for this when youre finished.

there isnt a great deal of "what you need to do" in SWOE. there is a lot of "youre not alone, and other people out there understand what youve been living through". it gets into a lot of the dysfunctional stuff our loved ones do. it validates us.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is highly recommended as a follow up. it gets into some of the things we do that dont help.

Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder digs into the ways to build a healthy(er) environment with your loved one, how to use the tools to build a relationship that can thrive.

im also, personally, a big fan of The High Conflict Couple.

[exasperatedwifey]

I have also been reading this book, which I think is a good start. It is amazing that they could just swap out names and it would be my story, or your story. I am kind of in the same situation as you, but only 5 years in. I can't imagine making it 18 years, but I also am still struggling to make it work. It's pretty crazy making.

My pwBPD has agreed to therapy, so I’m really hoping that will help us. I’m really going to be trying some of the suggestions in the book about validating my DH's feelings when he’s upset about something and see how it goes.

[exasperatedwifey]

I could have written your post myself...except we've only been together about 3 years.
I am currently also reading the book and blown away by each page turn.  I find myself shaking my head "yes" to nearly everything.   

Also, just like you, our sex life is pretty amazing and I wish the rest of our relationship would flow that easily and be that good.

I really hope you get some relief soon! I’m hoping that some of my newfound knowledge will help when put into practice. You’ll have to let us know how you’re doing from time to time.

[exasperatedwifey]

you may want to check out a couple of companion pieces for this when youre finished.

there isnt a great deal of "what you need to do" in SWOE. there is a lot of "youre not alone, and other people out there understand what youve been living through". it gets into a lot of the dysfunctional stuff our loved ones do. it validates us.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is highly recommended as a follow up. it gets into some of the things we do that dont help.

Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder digs into the ways to build a healthy(er) environment with your loved one, how to use the tools to build a relationship that can thrive.

im also, personally, a big fan of The High Conflict Couple.

Thanks so much for the suggestions! I will definitely look into all of these!