Ruminating on the good times

[HealingTee]

I been doing so well with moving on from my BPDex. We broke up back in January and I struggled emotionally in the early stages of the break up. It is now June and I’m at a place where I no longer have any wishful thinking or hopes of getting back with my Ex. I fully know the reality of what life would be like with a BPD partner and it’s not the kind of life that I want for myself.

Even though I been doing good, I had a weak moment tonight and broke down in tears after thinking about my most precious memories with him and remembering our intense love connection. Ugh! Moments of grief like this suck, but I’ll get through it fast. I find that I now cry about the situation with my ex maybe once every 2-3 weeks, as oppose to crying everyday at the beginning of the breakup. The healing journey continues! Just needed to vent

[khibomsis]

Well done, Healing Tee! The first six.months are the worst, you survive those and the future is rosy. I have an accidental voice recording of.my ex in full dysregulation mode, actually was recording a voice mail and she was raging in the background. When my heart felt like breaking I would listen to that. Crude but effective.

[IntoTheWind]

Hey HealingTee!

I ruminate on the good times sometimes too. Personally I find that recognizing that those good times were only as good as they were because of the contrast to the bad times and loneliness I was experiencing after the breakup helped. For me, being in that state of mind where I held the good times in high regard made emotional recovery incredibly difficult, it's so so hard and whilst you're in this mode, it's hard to do anything but allow time to pass to help which can be excruciating.

I fully know the reality of what life would be like with a BPD partner and it’s not the kind of life that I want for myself.

It's great that you've arrived at this conclusion, it is true. An advantage I have over some people recovering from the relationship here is that I did manage to experience relive some of those 'good times'. Every time I had a 'good time' it was balanced with a sour feeling, because I knew it would end again. It got to the point where the good times no longer felt good, and I had proof that nothing good could ever come of the relationship and the cycles would carry on forever. I'm someone that learns the hard way and got a taste of what that reality of life would look like first hand to confirm the idea which gave me quite a jump start on the recovery. If you ever do feel like you doubt that statement being true - I can confirm with first hand experience that it is true.