SpoonBridge10
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Dating 8 years/living together
Posts: 1
|
 |
« on: June 22, 2021, 11:41:43 PM » |
|
Hi! First post here!
Been with my partner, B, for 8 1/2 years, and honestly, most has been tough. Due to a really traumatic incident last year (public naming of B's behavior that hurt former friends for everyone to see on social media), we came to the necessary conclusion B has BPD, and found a therapist who specializes. B's been seeing this therapist since about Nov/Dec, and it seems like a good fit and has worked through SOME things.
ANYWAY, there's a history of B not having the career or job he wants, and previously went to school for a dream career that never took off after graduation because of what I assume may have been early BPD behavior with potential employers/HR/hiring managers. He moved on into jobs and a career that makes him miserable, wondering "what if?".
So recently he came into some money after a couple family deaths, and decided to go back to school again for this career. I absolutely supported this; since we started seeing each other, he would often speak of wanting to go back and try for these jobs (his knowledge and skills are too out-dated at this point and would need more training to do this job again).
(Once he interviewed for a job he wasn't qualified for but when he found out someone he knew and disliked got the job, he disassociated, broke up with me and started a couple very short relationships immediately and was claiming this company in our community had it in for him, he had the job until this person came along, etc. This is how emotionally involved he is with this career path.)
He started classes (night classes; he's full-time employed already) on June 7th and since then it's been constant claims that he's too old, not smart enough, not creative anymore, no one works as hard as he does, he doesn't have time, it's too difficult, etc. All of these things aren't true in reality, but of course he's not here in our reality. Every single week he's claiming he's going to quit because he can't do it. Then, he'll come home from class or get off a Zoom class and be incredibly excited, talking about the great feedback he's getting and the ideas he has. It's total whiplash.
So tonight, the usual happened: we talked this afternoon via text about his assignment he had to work on for tomorrow, and all seemed fine. He had ideas and was going to get to it after dinner. An hour in, he comes out and I check on him, and suddenly he's in tears saying its too hard, he's too old, he's not creative enough, and there's no guarantee that he'll get a job after being done (like last time, though he won't admit it was his fault last time or that he can do it differently this time).
He's begging me to "let him" quit school after 3 weeks, and says I'm not supporting him. He's nonstop complaining about school and about ME not supporting his awful -- in my opinion -- decision to quit.
So, my question: what can a non-BP do/say in the face of their BP significant other making what seems like a rash and bad decision based on a lot of self-doubt? I've seen his work -- I'm in the same industry he wants to be in -- and it's great. He gets good feedback and others like his work and ideas a lot. But he's getting in his own way, and I can't say or do anything good enough for him.
He can quit -- it's his life and his money, time, and decision. But the alternative is soul-sucking and something he hates and complains about daily. It's so frustrating and infuriating to see him barely give school time and decide he's just not good enough (even though instructors and fellow students don't say that).
Thanks, all!
|
