Thank you PJ, you have given me things to think about, I never thought of myself as being groomed, as I relate that word to sexual abuse, but you are so right! And also I thought she was just bad mouthing me to people saying I see her once a week but now I think about it, it will be for attention.
My daughter is with me often when I see my mum and the older she is getting the more she is noticing her gran's behaviour. Last time we saw my mum, D. was crying when we got home, she kept saying she wished it was the next day so she would feel better. She says she felt sad and angry for her gran talking negatively about everybody, especially about people she herself liked, and speaking of her ailments constantly and saying how no one understands her. She said she felt sorry for me for the way her gran was speaking to me also. She is very embarrassed (as am I) when her gran is rude to people who work in shops or cafes. I believe my daughter could become depressed if I go on seeing my mother as often as we do. My mum has started telling D about her problems and her sad life when she was a child, she knows I wouldn't allow this and tells her when I am out of earshot but D. tells me afterwards.
D likes listening to music on her earphones and I ask her to use them sometimes when my mum is in a particularly anxious state, D shouldn't have to do this. I need to put her first.
I confronted my mother about saying to people that she only sees me once a week and she replied "yes, that's right, I do only see you once a week sometimes". This is a blatant lie, so I have not seen her for one week so far, apart from dropping her at an appointment one day then straight back home, no cafes
Thanks for your welcome, big hugs back x
