It’s been 3 days since my husbands last blow-up. For the past 24 hours he keeps telling me I need to be graceful and forgiving. He tries to convince me he’s not screaming and blowing up because of me, but I already know that. I try to share how hurt I am, but he’s already hurting for me so my need to talk about it is dismissed. Yesterday he tried to hug me but I naturally and automatically pulled away. He became angry and asked why I was being so mean to him? Me? I thought…wtf. I tell him I’m still hurt by what he said to me and now instead of it being just yesterday, it’s 4 days ago in his mind. He literally thinks the incident happened 2 days before it actually did and I should be over it by now. He threatened to get rid of one of our dogs because I left the back door open for them to run in and out and since he didn’t realize that and opened the side door, they escaped. Now we’re all stupid and I’m demanded to come home from work to help. I work 45 minutes away and our dog never leaves for more than 5 minutes because he gets separation anxiety from his sister. I tell my husband to take a deep breath, pray for God to keep him safe until he returns, and remind him that this isn’t the first time this has happened. “
PLEASE READ you” he says and hangs up on me. Then the flood of texts come. You don’t care about me.” “I would come home if you needed me.” “If I catch him he’s gone!” “Poor me…blah blah blah.” I take a deep breath and continue my drive to work. 10 minutes later…”I found him. He wiggled out by the fence door. I’ll have to fix that.” I tell him I can’t keep doing this anymore. He calls 4 times, tells me to pick up the phone. I text him I need a break. He demands I stop texting him. I’m about to cry because my own PTSD has been triggered. I stop responding and go to work. I come home and everything is fine. He’s totally forgotten about the incident and doesn’t understand why I’m still upset. He asks. If I tell him the whole cycle will start all over again. If I don’t tell him, I’ll have to shove my feelings down again and suffer the pain internally. It’s a lose lose situation. I’m at a loss.
