15yr old daughter

[Dorkus]

I am not certain I buy into the BPD diagnosis. My daughter is only 15 and highly emotional and exhibits traits in the BPD category, I think she is still too young to be given the label.
Needless to say I do believe I need to learn tools to help her navigate the ups and downs in her life. It seems I can say nothing helpful and she reads into everything I say and do, even when it is constructive. It turns into ugly non constructive banter and it leaves me completely deflated and worthless as a mother.
I hope this forum can help. I am a nurse as well as very open minded but BPD seems to be a nightmare diagnosis. My daughter is difficult at times but she has also been through a great deal. How much of this is emotionality versus actually true BPD?
I am exhausted and I want to help my daughter and myself.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hi Dorkus, glad you found us 

Fifteen is young and you're right, there can be a lot going on. Has a professional suggested that diagnosis? Has she been assessed for other similar-presenting issues?

Makes sense that whatever the label (or not-label), that doesn't change that what's going on with her is beyond difficult. If you're here, you've been through it.

So it sounds like you're "the bad one" in her life right now? Is her dad in her life, and/or siblings? What's her relationship like with them and/or other family members?

You may have run across this already -- Dr Blaise Aguirre studies and treats BPD in adolescents. I haven't read the book so not sure if he "leans" towards labels/diagnoses in teens or not, but it's worth a try. Whether or not he's in the "do diagnose" or "don't diagnose" camp, I believe the book may have valuable suggestions for, like you're wondering, how to be strong and stable and have tools to lean on as your daughter rides huge waves of emotionality.

Check out the link and book, and let us know what you think:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=65571.0

-kells76

[By Still Water]

Hello Dorkus,

    Welcome to BPD Family. I'm glad you're here, as this journey can feel so alone. It is so stressful and disheartening, isn't it, when our home's peace is rocked by agitation, anxiety, and conflict.
Did you mean to say that your daughter has indeed received a diagnosis of BPD? Do you have other children?
   Ours is a 40 yr. old, uBPD, and we, too, have experienced him reading into fairly innocuous things we say - along with ugly rants. Currently, he is in his 2nd estrangement from us - due to such "reading into's. He has had emotional dysregulation, since the age of 5 (though not as frequent, then). The ways he handles disagreement or displeasure are far outside of the normal ways that our other two kids use. The biggest identifiers, for us, were the bizarre reactions of "reading into's," anxiety over things other people ride over, and the explosions, unprovoked by anyone &  out of nowhere (seemingly),...delusions, biting himself when he was in middle school, as well.