Relationship recycle

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We have already broken up a while ago but still been in contact. Now I have come to realize that both of us have been engulfed in a toxic cycle of bonding where both of us are addicted now to fighting, calling it quits, then meeting again and getting physical only for the cycle to repeat again and again. I have lost a sense of self and feels like whatever is happening is unreal. I am not able to carry out even a small boundary and feel an overpowering amount of self hate for it. The situation feels hopeless. This post-breakup cycle has already happened more than 5 times. I also feel like I am enabling the toxicity by not being able to break free

[joshandjane]

We have already broken up a while ago but still been in contact. Now I have come to realize that both of us have been engulfed in a toxic cycle of bonding where both of us are addicted now to fighting, calling it quits, then meeting again and getting physical only for the cycle to repeat again and again. I have lost a sense of self and feels like whatever is happening is unreal. I am not able to carry out even a small boundary and feel an overpowering amount of self hate for it. The situation feels hopeless. This post-breakup cycle has already happened more than 5 times. I also feel like I am enabling the toxicity by not being able to break free

[LovelyRita50]

It sounds to me like you need to go no contact in order to break the cycle and be strict with yourself about sticking to it.

It sounds like you have become so enmeshed that you're losing a sense of yourself as an autonomous person. You need to regroup and focus on yourself and your needs and wants. You need to put distance between yourself and this toxic relationship so you can get some perspective.

It won't be easy. It's going to suck, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Please reach out to family and friends for support. Also consider looking for a therapist who understands trauma bonding, codependency and enmeshment.

Best of luck, and please keep us posted.