This is hard, and I want to understand

[calmerwaters]

Hello there. This is my first time using a message board, so please forgive my akwardness. So, I've been with my partner for a little over a year. He is very special to me and makes me quite happy. I had noticed a few flags early on to hint at the fact that some of the things he would do or say weren't exactly normal. He had another one of these episodes that I didn't realize were episodes until I had a hunch last night. so while on the phone with him, trying to keep him calm, I started doing some research and every single symptom or sign that came up to define borderline personality disorder fit and it fit very well. A very low respect for himself, unstable and very intense emotions, will suddenly feel like I'm going to leave or don't love him anymore. He thinks I'm just going to walk out on him like everyone else has, despite me reassuring him. He isn't like this all the time. Most of the time everything goes quite well. But during times of stress, or any big emotional topic, or any request for space or time alone, he kinda becomes a different person. Distant, impossible to reason with, can take anything positive and turn it into something negative.

The reason I'm here is that I know I'm not the only one in these shoes. I'm very sensitive to other peoples emotions and very in tune with them as well. Most of the time I can successfully navigate around his triggers, but last night, I was not so graceful. I ended up unintentionally hurting his feelings. And I read on one website that someone with BPD understands how something makes the feel, not necessarily what they are told in that moment.

So, here I am, just looking for someone to talk to about it. Thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Having empathy and sensitivity to his emotions will greatly help. It’s impossible to not say and do things on occasion that will trigger people with BPD, as they see the world through the lens of feelings, not facts. However, the more you learn about the disorder, the easier it is to get back to a stable equilibrium.

What are some of the issues that you are noticing?