Zoning out, "absence seizure" -- what is it?

[Couper]

Particularly at the dinner table, my uBPDw has this habit of freezing like a computer that has locked-up.  I don't feel that the "absence seizure" description quite fits.  The kids will be chatty, we're joking, she's eating, and all of the sudden mid-chew she's staring intently at the salt shaker on the other side of the table from her.  Sometimes the kids will ask her a question and she is unmoved.  Pretty creepy.  It can last from 5-to-20 seconds.

It's clear that it's stress related.  I don't think it's an act for attention (though I haven't ruled that out 100%).  Last year when she was going off the rails it was a nightly event and often more than once during the meal.  Except for being occasional, it sort of went away for awhile, but this week it came back as being regular so I'm sure somehow her donkey is overloaded, but is it a BPD thing, a normal reaction to stress (though I've never known anyone normal to do this), or in the more unlikely category of early onset dementia (she's late 40's). 

No matter, because it's another thing she would never seek help for, but just curious if anyone else is experiencing this.  What really bothers me is -- is this happening while she's driving, etc.?

[brighter future]

My ex-wife and I have been divorced for nearly 7 years. She's been diagnosed with a multitude of disorders including BPD, eating disorders, and also a dissociative disorder. I recall times while we were married where she was clearly there in the room with me physically but not mentally/emotionally. It was really bizarre/creepy, and she was what I would call almost non-responsive.

Following our separation, she had a rash of car accidents, and I suspected that it was related to her mental health disorders. She denied it when I questioned her about it, however, my suspicions were correct when it came out later on in a forensic report which was done by a clinical psychologist. In the report, he stated that she had dissociated while driving. These episodes caused the car accidents, she admitted. Luckily no one was harmed, and there was only moderate property damage. It was also in this report that I learned she had also been diagnosed with BPD. Most importantly, thank goodness our child was not with her when these accidents happened. There was a court order for several years that prevented her from driving our child in the car with her due to suicidal ideation and dissociation.

[GaGrl]

People with afibrillation problems (afib) can have situations that look like this. The blood pressure stops suddenly. My father had several episodes until it was identified and corrected. In fact, he quit driving due to the episode that caused a car accident.

You might want to rule out medical issues as you explore what might be causing this.

[Couper]

Both fascinating and scary.  95% of the time she's driving she has the kids in the car and she's already a lousy driver in general, so super, something new to worry about.  When she does this it's just like on t.v. when they shut off an android and then reach behind his head and switch him back on again.  She just comes back to life and goes back to eating like nothing happened.  She doesn't even seem concerned about how it may have appeared to those around her.

The afib thing is interesting, too.  That's not a cause I have run across in my searching.

Any suggestions on how to approach this?  Trying to discuss it in the past was met with dismissal ranging from "it didn't happen" to "I was just thinking" (though she would, or could, never tell me what she was thinking about).  She'll have a dozen reasons for why not to get checked out by a medical professional which will probably include me being up to no good since her default is that all of my concerns are based in ill-intent.

 

[Selfishsally]

That does sound like it could be scary. And seems like it is really important to you to address. If you are trying different approaches and that isn't working is there a possibility of someone else saying something to her?

[Couper]

That would probably be a logical next step, but I don't know who that person would be.  First and foremost, to put someone in that awkward position of convincing them to say something, I think they would need to witness it first.  It's not often she eats elsewhere and I'm unsure if it only happens here or what.  I'd really need to see them see it happen or have that person come to me and say, "what was that?".  That person would also need the understanding that they could potentially be painted black for pointing out a "fault". 

She doesn't really have a best friend that she hangs out with or that comes over and since she has trashed me to so many people who are now in the camp of "husband bad" I don't know who I could say anything to.  Were I to say anything to someone she has already corrupted (which I think is pretty much everyone) I think she would just come back at them saying, "see, he's trying to make everyone think I'm crazy -- but he's crazy!" and it would just reinforce her narrative further.

Suggestions?  I'm all ears.  I think I managed to catch this on video once last year but I'd have to dig for it.  I'm certain I have a photo but that wouldn't really do it if I needed something to show a medical professional.

[Selfishsally]

Im so sorry, this sounds frustrating and I don't think I can be of any help.
You could be a detective and document each occurrence. Take pics and video, even try to figure out a trigger if that is possible. But, then you would still be stuck trying to figure out how to confront her to do something about it.
So, yeah...not very helpful :/

[Couper]

Don't shortchange yourself!  Oftentimes, the best ideas when hashing out these things come from an innocent observation.

I'll try to document it again but no longer than it lasts, by the time you whip out a camera the event is over.  That may make it sound like a big "nothing burger" but in that same amount of time one could also run over a pedestrian (if indeed it is truly happening behind the wheel).  Catching it in the past is because I'll have the camera out being sneaky when my kids are being funny at the table and the thing is already in my hand. 

[Selfishsally]

Don't shortchange yourself!  Oftentimes, the best ideas when hashing out these things come from an innocent observation.

Oh you are too kind!