Overcoming fear of reprisal.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am married and have lived in and out of the house for five years.  I was just their two months and left.
My spouse is OK with me leaving as long as I update with conversations and keep the connection going daily.
We have been married thirty years, have two children and most of what we do revolves around family.
I had a theapist years ago state I need to leave the home. ONe of the reasons behind this was to convince my spouse she had something wrong with her.
It did not work.
Two days ago I messaged her saying this was not working.  She replied stating how much she does and how I blindsided her. 
Well.. that is true so I continued communicating today.
It sound like a good idea, I live in constant fear of her raging anger.  this is completely unpredictable but she has done a great job of controlling it.
My current therapist says My fears are unfounded and that just because she has an outburst of little things I should be able to let it go. Not to let it bother me.
BUt it does bother me. I have had multiple issues with racing heartbeats where twice I have had to have EKG tests.  I also Have had sleeping heart beats as high as 160bpm.  Often my family, spouse and even therapists have said I am doing this to myself.
I should add.  All the indications that my spouse has BPD are present.
Does it seem my mental health is so bad where I stand on my own ? or is it this marriage? Any response is appreciated.

[heycowman]

I am married and have lived in and out of the house for five years.  I was just their two months and left.
My spouse is OK with me leaving as long as I update with conversations and keep the connection going daily.
We have been married thirty years, have two children and most of what we do revolves around family.
I had a theapist years ago state I need to leave the home. ONe of the reasons behind this was to convince my spouse she had something wrong with her.
It did not work.
Two days ago I messaged her saying this was not working.  She replied stating how much she does and how I blindsided her. 
Well.. that is true so I continued communicating today.
It sound like a good idea, I live in constant fear of her raging anger.  this is completely unpredictable but she has done a great job of controlling it.
My current therapist says My fears are unfounded and that just because she has an outburst of little things I should be able to let it go. Not to let it bother me.
BUt it does bother me. I have had multiple issues with racing heartbeats where twice I have had to have EKG tests.  I also Have had sleeping heart beats as high as 160bpm.  Often my family, spouse and even therapists have said I am doing this to myself.
I should add.  All the indications that my spouse has BPD are present.
Does it seem my mental health is so bad where I stand on my own ? or is it this marriage? Any response is appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Do you feel better when you are away from her?