Update… Roller coaster relationship - prt 2

[Mr. Kelly]

Hi everyone.

It’s been a month and a half since I have been on here. Lucky for you guys… :-)

Nothing really new and major to report here. I am moving on with my life. When I am busy, I’m doing OK. When I’m not, I’m still suffering.

Still not a peep out of my lady friend. And I have not contacted her. It’s been three months.

I am missing her terribly, or at least the thought of what we should have been, although that is clearly wasted energy.

I spend time every day thinking about her, and wondering what possible storyline she has in her head, and what hatred she may feel toward me. I have no way of knowing, though.

The only minor development is that she created a completely new Facebook account a few weeks ago, since she may have deleted the other one, although that is unclear, but I am apparently blocked on the new one, as well.  One of my other Facebook friends told me about it and said they could see her postings.

Anyway, I’m trying to move forward with life. I went out on a date a few weeks ago, which didn’t end up in a good place, but at least I tried.

Truthfully, this whole situation just seems so useless. I feel like I should be able to just call my lady friend up and say hi, and see how she’s doing, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. 

I have even watched a few videos I took of her, with us goofing around, just weeks before the final split, and it just boggles my mind that we haven’t talked in all this time. Right around that time, she even said “at the core of it, we are best friends… And that will never change, and should never change, regardless of what happens“. Yeah, right. I’ll bet you’ve all heard that more than once.

I feel like I have been traumatized by her, and I am deathly afraid to either reach out to her or for her to reach out to me.  I still can’t quite figure out whether this fear is based in reality, and that it is telling me that I under no circumstances should reach out to this girl, or the fear is because I cared about her so much that I just can’t hurt like that anymore. Or at least for right now.  Maybe it doesn’t even matter.

I thought about waiting until Christmas time and sending her a card telling her I miss her, maybe even purging my thoughts to her about what happened… but I’m not sure I could stand the pain of not hearing back from her and being ignored. Would probably bring the pain right back in a whirlwind.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about you guys on here, but just haven’t had it within me to do an update. I don’t even really have a question. Maybe any thoughts of wisdom or suggestions? I don’t know.

[formflier]

I still can’t quite figure out whether this fear is based in reality, and that it is telling me that I under no circumstances should reach out to this girl, or the fear is because I cared about her so much that I just can’t hurt like that anymore. 

Hey..I'm glad you stopped by to post.  "Moving on" after events like this is hard.

I'm curious to know if you can reflect on days that have been easier and come up with any patterns...?  Same question for days that are harder. 

Maybe you exercised more or less or went to a particular place.

Last piece of advice.  I think I know what you are saying when you wonder if your fear is "real"...yet I would encourage you to simply accept your fear is real..valid...and there.

There have been consistent...objectively verifiable things that have happened which would lead any reasonable person's brain to start signalling DANGER.

My hope for you is that you can "accept" your feelings (all kinds of feelings..without doubting them) and learn to press on with life.  Sometimes you will "over-rule" your feelings and do something risky...sometimes you won't  (those decisions don't make your feelings any more or less "real")


Best,

FF