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Cromwell
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« on: August 28, 2021, 09:29:38 AM » |
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what happened for the attraction to "bad boys". Maybe he is a hybrid. I suppose in theory nothing to stop a painter being a bad-boy.
hope for his sake he makes sure to keep the decor to pastel colours, for their home/repurposed mental hospital.
she sends messages to him like "peek-a-bo"
i emphasise the word boy. I de-emphasise the moniker "bad".
she wiggled these patsys to try and fight for her. Im lucky I didnt fall for it. In respect to the undercurrent of illness, she went into deep despair about it, it was genuine, she started trouble in her devaluation and then all could do was warn me, heads up, and "pray" for me.
divine intervention must have worked because the confrontations never took place. One saw me on sidewalk and looked down and crossed with her, she had a look that wished she wasnt existing at that moment. I felt ok after that.
she wanted a "bad boy" and I failed her in that respect. im a man not a boy. a boy will fight you and a man will hurt you.
its why she had to go, too much stirring the pot, I just didnt understand why. eventually the "why" isnt the priority. I got a rare glimpse of reason in between the madness and started to sort out the entangled - mess. Think machete to a jungle, none of this refined stuff. No contact, no goodbye. no time for pleasantries or time to consider being graceful, nice or whatever I was supposed to be. Time for some selfish narcissism, much needed, long belated. if youd call it that. call me what you will for all I care, Im beyond name calling, whatever elaborate guise it is enveloped in. Its all the same pathogenic, scummery that gets seen for what it is, marked with a tracer, and booted back to the other court. I used to be more sensitive, im now more robust. aquired resistance.
years have went past, im off the radar, although she tried to contact again, blocked off. secondary immune response is faster.
im triggered of a message I sent her a few days after the cheating. She was fishing by text for some attention, I said "is it possible to leave me alone so I can enjoy the rest of my day"
and that did it, she stopped.
I think ill try that to myself now. im getting better at this. victory is near. The art of fighting without fighting.
I can enjoy the rest of my day
I will enjoy the rest of my day
I hope you all do too
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