Slowly Growing Up

[grumpydonut]

Hi all,

Wanted to share a piece of progress in my life, that perhaps someone will be able to relate to.

Today I was contacted by an attractive girl, who very likely has a cluster-B personality. She was attempting to persuade me to meet with her, and this was in response to me cutting her - and many others - out of my life recently.

Now for the growth:

Usually I'd
- Let my wall down
- Give into their desires
- HOPE that they'd treat me differently this time, and that my needs would be met
- Be used, abused and end up powerless and hurt
- Realise I had betrayed my instincts.

This has been the pattern basically my entire adult life. I know I shouldn't give in; I do; I trust in hope more than my logic, and then I am let down due to betraying my instincts.

This time, I didn't play into the game. I said no to her advances and, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, I didn't reply to the final message that was sent! This is huge for me, as usually I'd leave with an olive branch JUST IN CASE there's a chance they'll treat me right and not as a source of comfort when they are lonely.

Can't say I feel any better, or any different, but this is a massive piece of progress for me that might save me from falling prey to a cluster-B personality again.

[B53]

Congrats, good move, you should feel good about yourself.

It’s interesting that we often listen to the voices of those who betrayed us and not that voice in our head that is usually right. I guess that is one of our lessons to learn, to trust ourselves.

Keep up the good work!

[WindofChange]

Congrats, Grumpy D! That is great. I get that, sounds like a boundary issues, and yep, can totally relate. But you held firm, and as you said, that is definitely progress. Go, you!

[SinisterComplex]

That is phenomenal Grumpy! Bravo.

For that I salute you with the #bropound. LOL.

I think for you it will be important to get used to this feeling. Get comfortable with being indifferent. Outcome independence...I know I say it a ton, but I cannot stress it enough.

I mean this sincerely...I am proud of you.

BTW...never ever go against your instincts...they will never betray you. But just to have some fun...do you betray your instincts or your intuition ;-)

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Cromwell]

what do you mean by your instincts?

I dont understand

[grumpydonut]

Thanks, all. It's nice to not be a slave to someone else's fickle emotions and selfish behaviours!

what do you mean by your instincts?

I have always been good at reading people, and doing this quickly. Despite this, I always fall for women that I initially perceive are unstable and who won't care about my needs. I go for these women, because subconsciously I have wanted to prove that I have worth. You can guess how that ends.

So now I'm not letting it get past my initial perception stage.

[Cromwell]

Maybe she was, maybe she was non disordered but you picked up some traits.

Either way main point is your safe and can't be hurt again i can relate to that.

Im just curious how she managed to get back in contact after being cut out of your life.

[SinisterComplex]

Thanks, all. It's nice to not be a slave to someone else's fickle emotions and selfish behaviours!

I have always been good at reading people, and doing this quickly. Despite this, I always fall for women that I initially perceive are unstable and who won't care about my needs. I go for these women, because subconsciously I have wanted to prove that I have worth. You can guess how that ends.

So now I'm not letting it get past my initial perception stage.

That is true growth. BTW...I just have to say...you have nothing to prove to anyone. Be YOU. Do YOU. How about prove to yourself that you have worth? Build yourself from the inside out. From what you show here on this forum you are too smart and intelligent to allow others to dictate your worth.

Regardless, go YOU grumpy! :-)

Cheers and all the best to you my friend!

-SC-

[grumpydonut]

Thanks, Sinister. I'm slowly getting there, I think