Our eldest son (aged 42) tends to attract women who exhibit BPD traits (no formal diagnosis, but one gets good at recognizing them). He has a soft heart for children, and people struggling with self-esteem (his is pretty low, as well).
He was married to a woman in England who kept kicking him out and wanting him back. They had a son together, but after a while, they finally divorced. He had previously made yearly trips to visit the son, which she threatened to curtail, so he filed for visitation rights (not even custody rights), and won the case - which cost $34K - but she wrote to him later and told him that she would not grant him visitation, knowing he was flat-broke and couldn't afford to appeal. He accepted that, and is hoping that the son (who is on the autism spectrum) might be curious and agree to see him when he is an adult. He's 15 now.
Fast-forward to the present. He met a girl (she's about 15 years younger) and they became good friends. She was interested in him romantically, but it wasn't mutual, so one night, she went out with friends, and got pregnant with a son. The biological father wasn't interested in parenting, so my son signed the birth certificate (unwise maybe, but understandable given the history). He has sent money, participated in video chats daily, and is even moving to a town closer than where he currently lives. That was dual-purpose, as he was hired for a better position at the TV station where he is moving.
The issue has arisen that my son and his high school sweetheart have reconnected. The boy's mother evidently sees this as him turning his back on her (and she states that it includes the son). They're still video chatting, however.
The majority of the vitriol is aimed at me, though. Not even my husband. I have a mild form of bipolar, so my moods are somewhat unpredictable, but I'm in treatment and using mindfulness, talk therapy, exercise and some medication to try to stabilize my own system.
However, right now, I am being beaten up again, and having just returned from a 3-week trip during which I was hypomanic almost the entire time, I'm dragging the ground, obsessing and ruminating.
Anyone else here have a mood disorder and dealing with attacks from someone with BPD? She's using the grandson as a pawn (big surprise there), and that (alienation of affection) is kind of a big no-no. He loves us and is happy to speak with us when she allows us to chat with him.
Just reaching out here...
