rob66
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 67
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« on: September 21, 2021, 04:35:58 PM » |
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My ex-girlfriend had a traumatic childhood, in which she was severely neglected. Her mother committed suicide by shooting, and my ex found her. Her father was autistic and was never able to look her in the eye, and never cared for her; her brother developed schizophrenia and past away last year; to make matters worse, her she discovered her ex-husband dead from a heroine overdose on the day they were going to sell their house after the divorce. According to her, the marriage was terrible and he cheated on her constantly while engaging in strange behavior with prostitutes. She was a heroine addict in her 20s, but recovered. She is now a successful therapist.
That's a lot. So she was definitely at-risk for BPD. We met on online, and when we first me in person, the sparks flew and it was amazing. It was the most amazing relationship I ever had. I knew about her past, and she confided everything to me, but it didn't scare me away. I saw her as resilient. Then she began to exhibit all the "textbook" BPD symptoms: abandonment sensitivity, started closely monitoring my behavior (even the slightest things like questioning why I was washing my vehicle on a certain day), exhibiting paranoia when she said early on that she was scared that I was going to try and kill her when we went camping; she was suspicious of me when I asked her to pick up the tab as I wanted us to alternate buying dinner etc., and lots of other little signs. She idealized me and made me feel so wanted and loved. But my first mistake gripped her and she was never able to let it go. I had to leave her home as she was recuperating from an ACL surgery in order to help my daughter. I left her with her two grown boys, an aunt and uncle. She accused me of abandoning her, and of net being able to be trustworthy. I told her I would do better because I loved her. Then, out of the blue one day, 9 months into our relationship, she started questioning me suspiciously about simple things, like why I went to a concert on a friday night when I should have stayed home with her instead, even though I went to her house after the concert. "I'm your girlfriend and you should have been here withe me." She was trying to be so controlling. I don't give in to that type of control. When she started judging me during our last conversation, I FINALLY lost it and got angry at her - it was the first time I raised my voice to her during the relationship. Then, suddenly, she said she was breaking up with me. I have not talked to her since. It was the most devastating amputation of a deep connection that ever happened. I didn't sleep for three weeks. I'm sleeping now, and in therapy. I waver between wanting to rekindle the relationship because we loved each other so (maybe not) and had such an amazing time - skiing, hiking, camping, surfing, exploring - and understanding that she is too traumatized by her past and walking away. During out last conversation, she said our relationship was over, but then added that she loved me deeply.
Should I consider learning how to support someone with BPD, and rekindle the relationship, or just walk away. I'm most likely going to walk away.
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