New Neighbor Here--Now Without Monkey

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello hello!
I have recently gone NC/VLC with my younger brother, whom I am fairly certain has uBPD.

I moved back to my hometown a couple years ago so my family could meet my SO and because my brother was becoming a parent for the first time. Of course, the drama never stopped and what should have been a short visit ended up being long-term. Every time we think he has hit rock bottom, he pulls out a shovel. His now-ex has a cocktail of mental health issues as well; we suspect possible uNPD, but it's hard to know. He has always had varying degrees of mental health struggles, but his well-being took a serious nosedive once he began the relationship with his ex and he now seems almost willfully trapped in a negative feedback loop.

Most of my contact with my sibling has been through my parents, who try not to be enablers, but are ultimately unable to distance themselves, to the detriment of their mental, financial, and physical health. To him, our father can do no wrong and our mother can do no good. He has been physically violent on more then one occasion and uses self-harm as a way to punish us (as well as himself). I reached my limit with him a few weeks ago and told him not to contact me anymore unless he had started counseling or rehab. I do not plan to currently strive for any kind of relationship with my brother, but I still hear about things through my parents' contact with him, and I'm trying to be there for them while not letting secondhand stress get to me.

It has felt very freeing and refreshing to give up contact with my sibling. I have drifted away from many of my friendships and relationships because he has been a constant monkey-on-my-shoulder, interrupting every topic and conversation I try to have. I've hesitated when presented with the chance to develop new friendships because I've felt like my relationship with him has been my defining feature or the only interesting thing about me worth talking about. I haven't been out of touch for long, but I am already more outgoing, motivated, and reconnecting with people more easily.

It's great to join this forum and see the experiences of others who are going through very similar struggles. It has been reassuring and insightful. Thank you all for being here. <3

[BearBait]

Hello hello!
I have recently gone NC/VLC with my younger brother, whom I am fairly certain has uBPD.

I moved back to my hometown a couple years ago so my family could meet my SO and because my brother was becoming a parent for the first time. Of course, the drama never stopped and what should have been a short visit ended up being long-term. Every time we think he has hit rock bottom, he pulls out a shovel. His now-ex has a cocktail of mental health issues as well; we suspect possible uNPD, but it's hard to know. He has always had varying degrees of mental health struggles, but his well-being took a serious nosedive once he began the relationship with his ex and he now seems almost willfully trapped in a negative feedback loop.

Most of my contact with my sibling has been through my parents, who try not to be enablers, but are ultimately unable to distance themselves, to the detriment of their mental, financial, and physical health. To him, our father can do no wrong and our mother can do no good. He has been physically violent on more then one occasion and uses self-harm as a way to punish us (as well as himself). I reached my limit with him a few weeks ago and told him not to contact me anymore unless he had started counseling or rehab. I do not plan to currently strive for any kind of relationship with my brother, but I still hear about things through my parents' contact with him, and I'm trying to be there for them while not letting secondhand stress get to me.

It has felt very freeing and refreshing to give up contact with my sibling. I have drifted away from many of my friendships and relationships because he has been a constant monkey-on-my-shoulder, interrupting every topic and conversation I try to have. I've hesitated when presented with the chance to develop new friendships because I've felt like my relationship with him has been my defining feature or the only interesting thing about me worth talking about. I haven't been out of touch for long, but I am already more outgoing, motivated, and reconnecting with people more easily.

It's great to join this forum and see the experiences of others who are going through very similar struggles. It has been reassuring and insightful. Thank you all for being here. <3

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome BearBait! 

How courageous for you to be taking this big new step! It is healthy to take care of your needs. Don't be surprised when this new boundary is challenged because others who are not emotionally stable will press against it and challenge you or try to use FOG to have you remove the safe places you've set up around yourself. Boundaries are to protect us, not to put around them.

I bet you're finding this incredibly amzing person (you) emerging from a cocoon.  Well done!

Keep writing!
Wools

[m_stok]

Welcome
So happy to read your post. And all the best for your new step.