BPD Sex and Cheating

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

Why is it that cheating is so common among those who have BPD? Why do they also have a tendency to have higher sex drives and a tendency to have more impulsive and risky sex?

My exwBPD had a high sex drive, would masturbate everyday, and even told me that when she was little, she would stimulate herself in class!

It’s confusing to me. I’d think that someone with their greatest fear being that of abandonment would abhor cheating and that level of betrayal. Certainly they would be devastated if they were cheated on. So why does it seem like nearly ever experience with someone with BPD that I’ve read on this site involves cheating, a replacement, intense sexual drive? How do they not look themselves in the mirror and see the hypocrisy? How could they commit the very act that they so immensely fear and oppose?

Or is it me trying to inject logic into a scenario where BPD is present? Does logic truly fly out the window when dealing with someone with BPD?

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Deep Blue

[Deep Blue]

Hello,

Why is it that cheating is so common among those who have BPD? Why do they also have a tendency to have higher sex drives and a tendency to have more impulsive and risky sex?

My exwBPD had a high sex drive, would masturbate everyday, and even told me that when she was little, she would stimulate herself in class!

It’s confusing to me. I’d think that someone with their greatest fear being that of abandonment would abhor cheating and that level of betrayal. Certainly they would be devastated if they were cheated on. So why does it seem like nearly ever experience with someone with BPD that I’ve read on this site involves cheating, a replacement, intense sexual drive? How do they not look themselves in the mirror and see the hypocrisy? How could they commit the very act that they so immensely fear and oppose?

Or is it me trying to inject logic into a scenario where BPD is present? Does logic truly fly out the window when dealing with someone with BPD?

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Deep Blue

[SinisterComplex]

"Or is it me trying to inject logic into a scenario where BPD is present? Does logic truly fly out the window when dealing with someone with BPD?"

You have essentially answered your question here.

You have to understand that someone with BPD truly has their minds wired different than neurotypicals.

Additionally, sex is used as a weapon to control and manipulate. Additionally, BPD sufferers tend to use sex as a coping mechanism to numb the pain. BPD sufferers will choose destructive behaviors and do everything they can to avoid dealing with what is going on in their head.

Deep Blue, what you can't do is try to approach this from a normal logical view. That will just lead to more frustration. In truth, for most dealing with someone with BPD is well beyond their scope.

Cheers!

-SC-

[brighter future]

Additionally, sex is used as a weapon to control and manipulate. Additionally, BPD sufferers tend to use sex as a coping mechanism to numb the pain. BPD sufferers will choose destructive behaviors and do everything they can to avoid dealing with what is going on in their head.

I found this to be true with my uBPD. She admitted to me that she slept with various men throughout her life and specifically told me that she did it to ease the intense emotional pain that she felt inside. Most of the time she said it only briefly made her feel better and that she usually felt worse afterwards. According to her, she never used sex for that reason while we were together. She stated that she was only with me because she truly loved me. I'll never know if what she said was actually true, although I'd like to believe that she really meant those things.

[Dad50]

" How do they not look themselves in the mirror and see the hypocrisy?"


No, they don't see it, and pointing it out doesn't help. My ex raked me over the coals for five years because she found a five year old picture of an old girlfriend I had neglected to delete from some Facebook post yers before we even met. My BPDex was adamant that no decent person has any contact with or even reminders of past relationships.

Meanwhile she is in a new relationship, and still messaging me (her ex) all the time!