Is mindfulness painful?

[Janie Starks]

I don't know if this is the right board for this, so sorry in case it isn't  
I started reading the book Whole again, I'm reading little by little because though it looks like really helpful so far, somehow I find it really hard to read without feeling some kind of discomfort. This book reads inside my soul, it's helping me to understand myself in a way that goes beyond my expectations.

One of the things I got from this book is that I really don't allow myself to FEEL my feelings: my approach to my emotions is so rigid and analytic, I analyze them, I write them down in lists and schemes, I THINK them, I don't feel them.
So I tried the mindfulness techniques that the author suggested. The moment I felt sad/resentful/anxious (still not clear to me) I just sat down and allowed myself to truly feel those emotions.
And man... it was painful! it was scary, a feeling of being lost and terrified just overwhelmed me, it was like a thick cloud of fear descended on me, all my traumatic memories just flashed at once in front of my eyes, I started to panic and cry, and I had to "stop" and bottle everything inside again.
I didn't realize it was this bad, I thought I was more aware of my feelings...

I don't have the possibility to go to a therapist at the moment, so I wanted to know your thoughts/experience about this
Thank you for reading 

[SinisterComplex]

So...this board is perfect for this. The problem for a lot of people is that they do over analyze and live in their heads too much. You do have to feel your feelings. Most people tend to be afraid of FEELING feelings. Why is that? Many people don't like the thought of being vulnerable. To that end is where I make my point is that feeling feelings and being vulnerable doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you stronger.

Janie, being aware of your feelings is one thing. Feeling your feelings is another. Its almost like you are at a constant war and essentially trying to outsmart yourself. Like hey feelings I know you are there, but guess what? I am not gong to give in. I am going to THINK my way through this, but hey thanks for being there I got this. Yes, a bit of absurdity on purpose to get you to release and laugh at it.

Do yourself a favor...give yourself a mental break. Just feel. Let all the weight out. Get rid of the junk that causes you anxiety (thinking too much and not feeling and processing emotions).

Keep venting. Continue you the conversation and don't fight your feelings. Just let things happen naturally.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Ad Meliora]

The answer to your thread is: No.

Thoughts, memories, emotions these things can be very painful especially when they get relived.

I think it's good you're finding a self-help book that is working, or at least partially working.  I'm glad you shared it here.  I understand how hard it can be to face some of these feelings.  I too am a "bottler", or at least I was--now I'm somewhat reformed.  I would stuff feelings back down deep inside and hope they'd go away.  Problem is, they didn't, and however painful they are to bring to the forefront of your mind they are just as painful if they remain in the back of your mind.  Worst part is you no longer are in control of those feelings/emotions then.  They will come out at the worst times too, and all of a sudden you're feeling sad about something that really shouldn't make you that sad.  You're angry at a friend and nearly bite their head off over nothing at all.  Thing is, you don't even know exactly why this is happening.

Like a can of soda that has been shaken too much, you'll just blow, and there's not much you can do about it.

My BPDex was excellent at bottling, the best.  She never wanted to talk about feelings at all.  If I would bring it up, she would leave the room or if remote, she would stop texting (for days). It led to terrible situations all the time.

You should FEEL your feelings, get them out as quick as possible and lean into them where possible.  Other people on this list have talked about that as well as part of their therapy.  Easy to say, tougher to do.

[Manic Miner]

Some really helpful tips here for all of us still struggling with overthinking and overanalyzing. Thanks.

[poppy2]

hey Janine,

I think a good piece of advice I can give you is that, if you are feeling overwhelmed, to take a 'trickle' rather than a 'flood'. What I mean is, if going into feelings ends up overwhelming you it can just lead to more shutdown. So trying to imagine that you have all your time - the rest of your life - to 'feel' and can therefore take your time with little pieces of it each time.

this is much easier said that done. One very useful method comes from Somatic Experience, where you 'pendulate' between your overwhelming feelings such as pain and a good, supportive object - focus on the feeling of your feet on the ground for 5 minutes, or your arms on the supportive chair, or your breathing, or your favourite shawl, or whatever it is you need. Something that is simple, uncomplicated and good, like the memory of a pet or a really good friend or holiday. Then, when or if you feel ready, slowly pendulate back into the difficult feelings. Rinse and repeat as needed. Peter Levine started Somatic Experiencing and he has a very compassionate voice, I recommend his videos on YouTube.

I also find listening to songs that reflect your state can also help so the 'burden' isn't totally on you to 'feel'... there are songs for all states and a yotube or search will uncover them.

Good luck

[Cromwell]

its important to be cautious, there are reports of people getting very ill during meditation and mindfulness programs. a skilled and reputable teacher is a must, the problem with a book trying yourself is not having support should anything go wrong. I had one session of mindfulness in a group, it was expensive but it was very helpful and far from terrifying was therapeutic. I would have gone too more but for the cost of it.

therapy at times has been painful, maybe I should say "Pang-ful" its been temporarily at times difficult, tears and all sorts but its not been painful as such or terrifying id be concerned about that and try something different.

best,