And if…

[Anonym2806]

And if I was wrong.
And if what I’ve seen, what I’ve heard, wasn’t true.
And if she was just depress and codependent as she said.
And if she wasn’t really with someone that weekend, when she avoided me and talked to me on the phone like I was a friend.
And if m’y friends lied to me and never seen her with another guy in a bar while I was sleeping, when she avoided me answering my messages that evening.
And if the guy she liked the pictures on instagram was randomly and the fact she added him was the fruit of my imagination.
And if the guy she’s with right now, a drug addict, is the one who brings her peace.
and if I’m just a stupid guy, who was thinking she has bpd but she was just tired of life.

Well, and if… Im trying to gaslight myself… I don’t know.

[Ad Meliora]

But then again, I might be totally right
But then again, I have to trust my senses, my sight, my hearing, my judgement
But then again, She liked to make up excuses, and stories, and tell me lies
But then again, Why would my trusted friends lie to me if it wasn't true?
But then again, My imagination only goes so far from reality
But then again, How could a drug addict with an addled brain bring anyone peace?
But then again, I'm a smart guy,  I need to trust myself and my instincts

Well, it's time to turn out the lights on this girl and put it to rest.  Yes, I know.

[Anonym2806]

Hi Ad,

Thank you again for the words.
It helps me a lot.
Sometimes I’m in hell, sometimes I’m ok. It depends the day.
She still shows on social media her new supply while I never had a chance to be shown even after a year.
This guy is in her life since 2 months.
What’s wrong with me finally. Still trauma bonded.
Im in NC since more than 2 months.
I’m lost honestly sometimes. I don’t know how long this process takes.