Is there any Chance?

[DKWTC]

unfortunately i had posted it in the wrong section, so here it is again

3 months ago, completely out of nowhere, my fiancée left me for someone else after 6 years of relationship, 1 day before our anniversary. She told me she wanted to visit her brother and met him there. Now she lives 400km away from me, has her own apartment.
We had every year her "escape" with come back together after 1-2 weeks.
We lived together for 6 years, spent 24/7 together without restrictions - and it was good, very good.
The separation she made by text message. After that came many reproaches from her, what I had done wrong. After she cheated on me with him, she was sure that I would have cheated on her. After that we only had contact because of picking up her things. She cancelled every appointment. I then initiated a NC. In the following 4 weeks she texted me twice that I should send her numbers for authorities. I did not answer.
After 4 weeks we then had 3 days of a text course, in which she made me many reproaches, then she said she wants to close with it to send me hours later again a huge text. I ended it with "I was always there for you in the relationship, but please realize that I am no longer, I have to go further". After that I got a few days later many anonymous calls in which no one said anything, when I asked them what this is about I was blocked - everywhere. In between, a fake account in Instagram also wrote me where I am, with whom I am and if I want to exchange hot photos. I know that she has done so photo exchange with others when we were together and she ran away. After that we had no more contact.

At the end of the year we were going to get married, have kids.

Then last week her grandmother called me, asked why I wouldn't give her her stuff. She had letters from her in the mailbox, in which it says, it is winter and I would not give her her things, she does not know what to do. I said that this is not true, she can always make an appointment, which then also did not happen. Her grandmother did not even know that she now lives in her neighboring town.

I know relatively much about her because I can see her search history. She hasn't searched for things like "get married Las Vegas", "buy a house", "how many times can I make him come" for over a month now. Instead, things like "how to act on a first date" come up in my feed. I don't know if they are still together, but if they are, it won't be for long, the guy is 5 years younger (she is 24) and the poster fu.boy.

I do not know what to do. The 6 years she has never worked, I have had more than enough money so we both would never have to work again. Now she is broke, lives in a terrible hole. But she is still happier than with me? Why does she block me everywhere? Ok, I know enough about BPD that I wouldn't know that. But shouldn't she still remember when she's miserable how good we were together?

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I think about going to her house with her stuff all the time so she can see that I'm not the bad person she projects into me.

During the months I forced myself to see other women, but it all sucked. Please help me.


I was her first real relationship. I don't know much about the time before me, only that her grandparents supposedly locked her up (not the ones who called me). Today I'm sure that's not true, but they tried to get her under control and also sent her to therapy. From there i was the savior.
She is also relatively! reflected.
For example, she said that there were many nice moments, but somehow she can only remember the bad ones (and there were almost none of them).
The trigger for her disorder was probably that her mother shipped her off to her grandparents when she was ~10 years old. At the time she said her mother was the biggest whore, completely out of nowhere. However, as soon as we were together, she immediately wanted contact with her mother again and completely put her on a pedestal.

Also, it didn't actually get worse, but more stable. In the first year she left me 3-4x, then 1x a year and then 2 years ago the last time. But never was another guy available because her mom lived so out of town or the guys screwed her over.



I don't blame myself for it, on the contrary. But I don't hold her responsible either. Everything she threw at me was actually not very bad and bullPLEASE READ.

"You haven't told me often enough that I'm pretty".
"I was afraid you might turn out like your father."
"I never felt like I was the only one for you."
"we were together too much"

The rest was devaluation like:

"I should have ended it the first time."
"the marriage proposal sucked"
"there was no more love"
And some more.

She is not a particularly hard case. Also, the relationship with her was not bad, no violence, no quarrels and everything was really always good. Except when she just ran away the 1-2 weeks a year. I always thought that it was because of the mother who manipulates her.
She also wanted 2 years ago to a psychologist, but I stupid idiot haves her "talked out", because I thought it's really only the mother.

When we stood in front of each other, personally, there was never any bad blood. But when we wrote, it was like walking on eggshells. I had a relationship with a borderliner 12 years ago and by God, I don't mourn this person for a second. That was extreme back then.
But this was different, chastened. And I really think you could make it work, somehow.

At the moment I see 3 possibilities:

1. either I do nothing at all and wait for something to come from her. The risk is, of course, that she paints me completely black here. And nothing more comes here at all. Her new relationship will not last long, I am sure. But the risk is that she then jumps directly to the next one, because they definitely already had a lot of quarrels and nothing came from her.

2. I use the pretext and drive her things to her. That seems to be the best option at the moment? Only how then behave? Play that one is happy? Talk about it?

3. i write her from my 2nd number, what is with her things and that she can contact me if she wants.


Number 3 would have the problem that I bypass the blocking. Option 2 would give me the opportunity to show her how I've improved since then (I'm doing intense sports again and I bought a new Porsche). Also, it would probably show that I am still "there" for her. However, it would also make the whole thing completely closed when her things are gone.

Our last contact was in the end of august. At the beginning of september she moved from her mother to her new one, since mid september she has her own apartment there. However, 40km away from him, which then surprised me that nothing came from her so far, because she actually needs 24/7.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[DKWTC]

Last week I noticed that she logged into my Twitter account (must have been her), then last night I saw that she had deleted her profile picture from her account and her place of residence and all followers. She only had Twitter because I use it, she herself could never do anything with it.

[Dancinglondoner]

I am in the same situation. How are you meant to know whether it’s a “test” and you’re meant to reach out to them to show you still care even though they’ve blocked you ? Or if they’re best left to come back in their own time/ terms ?

I do think what would help is knowing when her new relationship ends. That’s when is probably best to reach out ? As at the moment she’ll be obsessing over the new FP.

I’m sorry if that’s of no help, but you’re definitely not alone.

[DKWTC]

I read your story and it reads pretty much the same.

The police story is serious in my experience. Don't take it too lightly. Likewise, always save everything for when she already threatens you with something like this.


In my case, I know relatively much about her currently, because of her grandmother and because I know her Google history. She lives in a tiny little junk apartment, the guy lives 40km away and she doesn't have a driver's license. That means she has to be alone a lot.The whole thing in an extremely weak social area, while we lived in the richest area of Germany, she has no professional future there. But that makes it even stranger that nothing comes from her.  We were 6 years (minus 1 day) ALWAYS together, if I was only times 2h away alone, she has already made a fuss.

And I must say that the first year was hard.After that it got much better. And when I look at her Google history, then I can be quite sure that it bangs there just as. Online he has "single" written all over him, she doesn't care so much about that now because she idealizes him, but in a few months it's going to blow up in his face.

Only what then? The risk is that by then she will have met others there. And you can be very sure that she is already looking for them.


Is a borderliner able to look at something soberly, that is, even if he has painted someone black?

[DKWTC]

I am in the same situation. How are you meant to know whether it’s a “test” and you’re meant to reach out to them to show you still care even though they’ve blocked you ? Or if they’re best left to come back in their own time/ terms ?

I do think what would help is knowing when her new relationship ends. That’s when is probably best to reach out ? As at the moment she’ll be obsessing over the new FP.

I’m sorry if that’s of no help, but you’re definitely not alone.

From my experience, there is no such thing as "the disconnect." We also had many separations and I'm sure at the times have had other opportunities. Nevertheless, she was immediately totally in love with me again when I went to her and blocked everyone else and immediately got a new number.
She still doesn't have a new number to this day - and that really surprises me.

I am also sure that the two already had "separations". And the way back to me would be much harder than to try again with him. Because she would have to move away from her brother, give up her apartment, etc. There would have to be something really hard going on.

The only thing that goes well for me is that the guy is not relationship material. So he will play himself out. And also I still have a good standing with her grandmother. So the probability is there that she will say to her one day, you had a great boyfriend.

[DKWTC]

any advice?

[Dancinglondoner]

Yeah it’s always helpful if the new person isn’t relationship material. I guess the best idea Is to make sure you’re there when he does leave as she’ll be looking for someone else. If you were her longest relationship and close to her like you said, then hopefully she will want to reconnect with you instead of another random person that can’t offer her real love as they’ve only just met.

I went and dropped of my exes clothes she left today outside her door without contact due to the police threat. I just popped a note in to say I would respect her no contact wishes and that I still loved her.  I watched her from afar come out and sit on the step for quite a while crying. So I don’t know what to think now. I had to go so I had no idea how long she sat there.

Your ex may not be quite as ok with your separation as she projects, that’s what I’ve learned today.

[babyducks]

I know relatively much about her because I can see her search history.

How is it you can see her search history?

But shouldn't she still remember when she's miserable how good we were together?

Not necessarily no.    pwBPD live with harmfully intense emotions that swing very rapidly.    Its the emotion of the moment that is most significant in how they feel.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I think about going to her house with her stuff all the time so she can see that I'm not the bad person she projects into me.

Using her things,  either by holding on to them or giving them back as a bargaining chip is not a great idea.    It doesn't display a healthy mature approach to relationships.

At the time she said her mother was the biggest whore, completely out of nowhere. However, as soon as we were together, she immediately wanted contact with her mother again and completely put her on a pedestal.

This is probably splitting.    Its a symptom of the disorder, one of the most troublesome ones.

1. either I do nothing at all and wait for something to come from her. The risk is, of course, that she paints me completely black here. And nothing more comes here at all. Her new relationship will not last long, I am sure. But the risk is that she then jumps directly to the next one, because they definitely already had a lot of quarrels and nothing came from her.

No one can control what another person does.    Trying to predict what some one else does isn't really a great way to live our own lives.   I am going to do X because you might do Y is right there on the edge of codependent behavior.

2. I use the pretext and drive her things to her. That seems to be the best option at the moment? Only how then behave? Play that one is happy? Talk about it?

I think she deserves her things back because they are her things.    and they do belong to her.    I would suggest you return her belongings without any strings attached.

3. i write her from my 2nd number, what is with her things and that she can contact me if she wants.

its hard for me to see how you can have a productive conversation while there is this much conflict/discord between.    I would suggest lowering the level of conflict first.     and then  leaving the door open for future conversations.

Number 3 would have the problem that I bypass the blocking. Option 2 would give me the opportunity to show her how I've improved since then (I'm doing intense sports again and I bought a new Porsche). Also, it would probably show that I am still "there" for her. However, it would also make the whole thing completely closed when her things are gone.

I am sure its a nice Porsche.    Congratulations.    I would suggest the improvements that would most impress her are ones that reflect a new attitude towards her and the relationship.

if you seriously want the relationship back I would suggest you work to understand the healthy and unhealthy dynamics that were in play in the relationship.    work to improve communication skills so that you are able to have calm successful productive conversations.    in other words, grow your own relationship skills so that if she does return you are better able to sustain a relationship with her.

 

[DKWTC]

Using her things,  either by holding on to them or giving them back as a bargaining chip is not a great idea.    It doesn't display a healthy mature approach to relationships.

I wouldn't "hold" her if she said she was going to get her. But she said 10 times that she wants to pick them up, but never came.
However, driving 500 miles to bring them to her might be the wrong message.
And in our last texting history from 2 months ago, it sounded like she was using them. She said there "if you are like this then I will pick up my stuff tomorrow and be done with it". That sounds to me like she is not picking up the stuff to do anything with it in the future.

It's just that I don't want to leave them in this huge position of power. And if I go that route after she cheated on me and left me for someone else, what does that say?
On the other hand, it could also be a sign for her that I want to end it and she could panic?

its hard for me to see how you can have a productive conversation while there is this much conflict/discord between.    I would suggest lowering the level of conflict first.     and then  leaving the door open for future conversations.

I thought I did, in our last text message history. But following that I was called anonymously several times and then blocked everywhere (the time she moved to the new guy).

I am sure its a nice Porsche.    Congratulations.    I would suggest the improvements that would most impress her are ones that reflect a new attitude towards her and the relationship.

if you seriously want the relationship back I would suggest you work to understand the healthy and unhealthy dynamics that were in play in the relationship.    work to improve communication skills so that you are able to have calm successful productive conversations.    in other words, grow your own relationship skills so that if she does return you are better able to sustain a relationship with her.

That's what I was trying to say. There were no deep problems in our relationship. And the communication skills I have so far actually. The trigger was because she said she could no longer imagine a future with me, because she was afraid that I could become like my father. I have to say, I had no contact with him for 10 years and at the beginning of the year he contacted me. He beat my mother when I was a baby and I told her that when she said that he was nice and that she had to be careful.
I also never had contact with my father in my childhood, so for me this is just a massive excuse.
I think the real problem is that I became too "nice" the last years. For 3 years I didn't have a car because I was earning other money with my money so I saved every penny. A few weeks before she left she started talking about cars and motorcycles, as I now know from the guys she was in contact with.

When we already had such a separation 2 years ago, I had borrowed a Ferrari for 2 weeks, which had triggered her very much. That I have now bought a Porsche again, is something more in the direction of how I was when I first met. In addition, I have done a lot of sports and lost weight.

What I think I would like to show her and she currently does not see:
I am someone who has his "PLEASE READ" together. I am someone with whom you can have a secure future, who stands with both feet firmly in life. Likewise, I am someone who can change positively.

And I think that could already change something, because I am very sure that she has massive conflicts with her new 5 years younger boyfriend, because he certainly goes off like a rocket and she has the feeling that he cheats on her (which will certainly be true).

[babyducks]

In my case, I know relatively much about her currently, because of her grandmother and because I know her Google history.

so how is it again you know her google history if she is currently living 500 miles away from you?

However, driving 500 miles to bring them to her might be the wrong message.
And in our last texting history from 2 months ago, it sounded like she was using them. She said there "if you are like this then I will pick up my stuff tomorrow and be done with it". That sounds to me like she is not picking up the stuff to do anything with it in the future.

You could box them up and deliver them to her grandmother.    you could pack them up and rent a storage unit for a month, put them in there and mail her the key.    there are other options.

It's just that I don't want to leave them in this huge position of power. And if I go that route after she cheated on me and left me for someone else, what does that say?

that's a really good question.     what do you think this says?   how difficult do you think it will be to build or rebuild a comfortable relationship after this?

On the other hand, it could also be a sign for her that I want to end it and she could panic?

when is the last time you have seen her in person?    about 3 months ago?    and you exchanged texts about 2 months ago?   and since then there has been some odd contact that could be her but also could not be her?

When we already had such a separation 2 years ago, I had borrowed a Ferrari for 2 weeks, which had triggered her very much. That I have now bought a Porsche again, is something more in the direction of how I was when I first met.

Are cars important to her?   In what way are cars important to her?

[DKWTC]

so how is it again you know her google history if she is currently living 500 miles away from you?

because she is still logged in with her google account on my laptop.

You could box them up and deliver them to her grandmother.    you could pack them up and rent a storage unit for a month, put them in there and mail her the key.    there are other options.

The distance to her grandparents is just as great, they live in the neighboring town.

that's a really good question.     what do you think this says?   how difficult do you think it will be to build or rebuild a comfortable relationship after this?

From my side?
I have no idea. Really no idea at all.

I just found out again from a buddy that he had written with her a week after the breakup and she really portrayed me as a monster there. My thought is that if I bring her her things, she realizes that I am not?

when is the last time you have seen her in person?    about 3 months ago?    and you exchanged texts about 2 months ago?   and since then there has been some odd contact that could be her but also could not be her?

The last time I saw them was at the beginning of July. The last time we wrote was at the end of August.
In the time in between she wrote me with fake accounts (using IP grabber, I'm sure that's her), then she called me anonymously several times the week she moved without saying anything. Since she is with the guy permanently I am blocked everywhere and there was nothing more.

 

Are cars important to her?   In what way are cars important to her?

Not in particular, she's not a "gold digger" either. However, when we met I had a BMW Z4 and a 5 series, both brand new. After an accident, I then sold the Z4, unrepaired. When the money was handed over, she cried.
Because my goal in the last few years was to earn as much money as possible for our family foundation, I no longer attached importance to it and we used my grandfather's car, which annoyed us both very much.

Before she left, she kept talking about a Golf GTI and motorcycles that she wanted to have one day. Surprise, the new one has a Golf and she had some with motorcycles in her orbit.

And I just let myself go in the relationship, especially through Corona. In the last few months I've been working out a lot, traveling and buying a new 911 and 5 series.
In my experience, it's not so much about the car itself, but that it makes her worry that more women will go for it. Competition.

[DKWTC]

The thing is, she is 24, the new boyfriend 19.

The guy has "single" written everywhere, 100s of "pickme" girls in his lists. I'm sure that's attractive to her, that he could have any one, but she chooses. So it was with me at the time. BUT in the long run there is only drama with her. With us, it only went so long well, because we were together 24/7. They are not. Their head cinema will certainly go on a roller coaster.

On the other hand, she absolutely wants a family, house, children. Even today, that I know from her search histories, only with him, not with me anymore. But he will not be able to offer her that. He has no school diploma and works as a temp.

On the other hand, we had >$10k available every month without either of us having to go to work yet. She never had financial problems and a carefree life, she doesn't have that now, she has incurred massive debt over the months.


Only in her head (and what she tells everyone) I am the monster that would have abused her. Her grandmother laughed at her for it, our mutual friends have that. Because they know it's bullsh*t.

[DKWTC]

I think I could deal with it somehow. Actually, for a few years now, I have been inwardly comfortable with the fact that we might have to make it an open relationship at some point, because she certainly still wants to gain experience and we came together so young.
Provided she would start a therapy, where I would assume. Because she already wanted that once.

[Cat Familiar]

People with BPD seldom are motivated enough to pursue therapy long enough to improve much. It’s more painful to them to be confronted with their shortcomings than to continue behaving in a self and other sabotaging manner.

[DKWTC]

People with BPD seldom are motivated enough to pursue therapy long enough to improve much. It’s more painful to them to be confronted with their shortcomings than to continue behaving in a self and other sabotaging manner.

All I know is that she has been in therapy before when she was young. At that time, she was also supposed to write a diary. A few years ago she said she would like to do that again, maybe it would help her. At that time I didn't suspect borderline and more or less made fun of it. I stupid idiot.

So with her, it's not as pronounced. She has been relatively reflective in her text messages. She wrote things like: "I know that there must have been many beautiful moments, but strangely enough I only remember the bad ones".

[DKWTC]

And one thing really confuses me. Whenever she left, she had intense contact with new guys. To the point that she was "in a relationship" with them virtually online. As soon as she was back with me after 1-2 weeks she immediately got a new cell phone number. She didn't do that with me this time.

[DKWTC]

Any advice? I have to make a decision in the next week…

[Cat Familiar]

You have to make a decision in the next week because_______________?

What about her is so compelling to you?

Do you approve of her way of behaving?

Can you imagine this pattern repeating over and over and over again in your life?

[DKWTC]

No, I don't agree with their behavior at all. And I am not 100% convinced that I want her back.
If then only if she makes a therapy.

What fascinates me so much? In the 336 weeks of our relationship, apart from 5 weeks where she left, there was absolute harmony and it just fit perfectly. She was also in no way aggressive or hurtful.

[once removed]

if shes in a new relationship, you are not going to be able to compete with that, and you may not like what you get if you try.

i dont mean to be a downer.

this board (the reversing a breakup part) is about playing the best cards you are dealt. you dont have a ton of good cards here. but you dont want to overplay your hand.

if she came back tomorrow, and you told her "you have to get back into therapy", she would balk. that would be overplaying your hand.

DKWTC, there is a lot that was broken about your relationship. there are reasons that she found it easier to jump ship into a new relationship as opposed to dealing with it. what were those broken things? what makes the new relationship seem like the more appealing option?

these arent easy questions to face, but they will help you if you want to reconcile.

[DKWTC]

DKWTC, there is a lot that was broken about your relationship. there are reasons that she found it easier to jump ship into a new relationship as opposed to dealing with it. what were those broken things? what makes the new relationship seem like the more appealing option?

these arent easy questions to face, but they will help you if you want to reconcile.

I'd like to say there were tangible disputes, but unfortunately that's not the case.
After she had sex with the guy, she broke up with me via text message and said NOW she was sure I had cheated on her. Like I said, we were together 24/7, with maybe 5-6 exceptions where I had to leave for work and she didn't want to go.

Then a few weeks later she said to me via text that I hadn't told her often enough that she was pretty. In addition, that we have spent too much time together, but what always went out from her and was often too much for me. Then things like she should have ended it the first time. Also that she was afraid that I could become like my father.
Context: My father beat my mother when I was a baby, I then had no contact with him for 15 years and at the beginning of the year he contacted me and tried to make up for something, I have kept platonic and sporadic contact with him.

What I think was the real reason though:

I gained some weight during Corona. I used to have a six pack, during Corona I was a bit fat. Also I had the feeling that the everyday life became boring, I just gambled wärend Corona and she obviously with guys written.
We were already vaccinated in March and I said let's rent a villa in Greece for a few months when we are vaccinated - she didn't want to. All suggestions what to do she has rejected.

What strikes me in retrospect, she had a month before the separation birthday and bought a new SIM card. She usually did that when she wrote to guys and wanted them gone. A week before the breakup I saw that she has written via Snapchat with the now new. It baffles me that she had gotten a new number back then.

I'm still not sure to this day if she really met with the guy or really just wanted to see her brother and her mom manipulated that in the background so that the guy was there too. This whole action seems totally weird to me in retrospect.

[DKWTC]

A friend wrote me today that he has placed a fake account with the followers of the "new" and told me various things and also sent a photo of her. It's crazy For 6 years she was grey/blonde, dress style "chic". Now she wears only black, has brown hair and looks like a rocker. Just like her new one. Is she a chameleon?
even the way she takes her photos is just like her new guy.

The good thing is, my suspicions were confirmed once again. The guy obviously sees her only as a toy.

[DKWTC]

Brief Update:

I did not go to see her. A buddy of mine found her Instagram account last week. It was scary to see how she has changed visually. She doesn't look bad, but she's completely changed. Different hairstyle, different style of dress, started working out. Even the way she takes her photos is 1:1 like from her new guy.
From what I know about her from experience, she is now back on Instagram looking for new guys.

It used to be that for a few months she would clearly have my name in it, then at some point it would just write our date, which looked very cryptic, and then at some point something that sounded like she was single. We are now at stage 2.

As I had written before, our "separations" were always once a year. It now looks like it has accelerated massively. I'm sure this is her 4th or 5th Instagram account since the breakup and new boyfriend 4 months ago. Which was always a strong sign.

I can just still read her Google search history, which clearly shows me that the guy doesn't particularly care for her, at least not nearly as much as I have. As an example, she was apparently sick last week and had to take the train to the pharmacy and doctor. When she was sick then, I got everything and took care of her. When she had to go to the doctor, I paid for everything privately so she could get the best treatment. (Our health care system is one of the best in the world, but if you want the best doctors, like the dentist who studied at Harvard, you have to pay privately).

It makes me incredibly sad to see her living in a PLEASE READhole, on her own and poor, while I could offer her everything. I don't want to seem arrogant, because I assumed that we both really loved each other and that there was a good fit between us. It does not want to enter my head how one can give up a relationship so full of trust and affection for someone who is immature and who is obviously screwing her over. A carefree life, a secure future for a life full of trouble, stress and worries.

Currently, I'm feeling really bad about it all again. I try to meet new women, which I also succeed very successfully. >10 dates in the last 2 months, from all could have been what, from the women. Some were prettier, others uglier, no longer plays any role for me. But I do not find one that could have even come close to their status with me. Not in the approach.

A part of me wants her back like nothing else in the world. That part is sure that her day-to-day behavior wouldn't be a problem, that I could handle the mood swings like I could before.

The other part is terrified. And is incredibly disgusted by her behavior after and during the breakup.

I feel lost, alone, broken. I don't know where I stand up for anymore, what I live for. There are moments where I would love to end it all, but I don't want to give her the satisfaction. Last year I drowned in happiness. There were much nicer times with her than last year, and not everything was intoxication anymore. But still, I felt I had arrived as never before.

I have so many things going through my head that I would like to say to her:
That I hate her, for how she has destroyed everything good. That I have always loved her and never had interest in other women in the 5 years and 364 days. That it disgusts me that she tells someone else that she loves him. That I only want to hold her in my arms one more day.
It feels like she died. And at the same time it feels like I'm crazy and just imagined this relationship. Like I've been in a coma for the last 6 years and I'm going completely crazy.

[DKWTC]

Should I mail her stuff back to her so maybe she loses that "power" feeling? Because currently she still has some kind of control, because she could use her things as an excuse for contact in the future?
Or would that be rather bad?

[once removed]

do you think maybe youre competing with her for who can detach the quickest?

[DKWTC]

do you think maybe youre competing with her for who can detach the quickest?

No, why do you think that way?

[DKWTC]

I am extremely confused.
This morning, completely unexpectedly, her grandmother called me and asked if she had contacted me.
I said as expected she has not.
She also told me that she had been to her house several times but no one had opened the door.

After that I needed half an hour to get back on track.

In the evening I had a 3rd date with a woman who I find very interesting, on the way there I was briefly refueling and looked at my phone, I had a text message. From her.

I'll try to translate it: "My grandma has passed on everything to me and I'll see that I pick up my things from you in the next few weeks, when exactly I'll let you know".

I do not know if it is correctly recognizable from the translation, but the SMS is extremely cold and businesslike.

Just now I saw in her Google search history that she has searched several times for obituaries of my grandfather (is my family substitute and has NOT died). The search was about 30min after her grandmother called.

I don't know how to react, if I should react and yes... I am completely confused and did not expect this at all at this time.

Yes, she still has quite a few things with me. However, she had money for hair extensions, many clothes and to buy her guy gifts several times a month. It's really hard for me to believe that she really needs the stuff.

But at the same time today she was looking for apartments again, in the place of her new one.

[DKWTC]

Shall I answer? What should I answer?

I hang somewhere between "ok", "ok, but not in a few weeks maybe, but until in 14 days, otherwise I dispose of it" or not answer at all.

It really bugs me that she wants to be in control again and writes "in a few weeks". This is the same state as in July.

What does it all mean and how to deal with it?

[DKWTC]

I have now answered the following...

"All right. But let me know in time, I'm currently heavily involved and skiing next month. And because I couldn't tell you before, your hamster broke his leg in August."

No idea if handled correctly or not, but I couldn't think of anything better. I would really appreciate your opinion.