Energy Vampire

[Depression = 72% of members]

  Once again I am sucked in. I have BPD sister, untreated and undiagnosed except by those of us who know her well. My sister is an expert energy vampire. She is recently cycling through another drama. It started off with anger at my mother and has since transferred onto me. What the drama is about is scheduling holidays, something so mundane as to be ridiculous. Schedules with my sister become a source of control. She frequently makes plans and then rearranges them, deliberately as to maintain control over the other person. It is about compliance with her. However, she also demands commitments to said schedule, even though she is going to change everything about time and meeting dates. I refuse to comply by refusing to commit. I have dates that will work for me for said events. That is when I can do things, that's it, I can't commit to anything else. However, this becomes wrapped in drama. My mother tries to appease her and I am stuck with paragraphs of nasty texts. When I am in an emotionally sound place, I can weather the insanity. Lately, for personal reasons, I have been a bit fragile. This is when I get sucked in. My sister is very good at using others to try and suck you in. Recently she has been using my nephew. I love both my nephews more than anything. I know what she is doing... but it's working. My partner is upset with me for not setting firmer boundaries . I am angry with myself for being pulled into this nonsense.

[lonefriend]

  Once again I am sucked in. I have BPD sister, untreated and undiagnosed except by those of us who know her well. My sister is an expert energy vampire. She is recently cycling through another drama. It started off with anger at my mother and has since transferred onto me. What the drama is about is scheduling holidays, something so mundane as to be ridiculous. Schedules with my sister become a source of control. She frequently makes plans and then rearranges them, deliberately as to maintain control over the other person. It is about compliance with her. However, she also demands commitments to said schedule, even though she is going to change everything about time and meeting dates. I refuse to comply by refusing to commit. I have dates that will work for me for said events. That is when I can do things, that's it, I can't commit to anything else. However, this becomes wrapped in drama. My mother tries to appease her and I am stuck with paragraphs of nasty texts. When I am in an emotionally sound place, I can weather the insanity. Lately, for personal reasons, I have been a bit fragile. This is when I get sucked in. My sister is very good at using others to try and suck you in. Recently she has been using my nephew. I love both my nephews more than anything. I know what she is doing... but it's working. My partner is upset with me for not setting firmer boundaries . I am angry with myself for being pulled into this nonsense.

[yamada]

Your sisters behaviour will not change..because it is so successful. Boundaries are hard as the other person knows how to nibble away at them or use others to pressure you. Abusive texts are unacceptable. If she is a abusive then she is blocked for a week.. warn her for next time

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi lonefriend, 

Welcome! So glad you are here with us. It sounds like you have a lot of stress going on at the moment. Have you ever heard of the Karpman drama triangle?

I think you will find some help and also understanding if you can take time to read it. I will be interested in hearing what you think.

 
Wools