Hi suzanne29, good to hear back from you.
I came to live with him because it didn't seem like a great idea to leave him alone here. He started an Intensive Outpatient Program, which he has been attending (and which he says is helpful). He's also been alcohol and drug free.
Hopefully those baby steps -- attending the IOP, seeing it as helpful, cutting out alcohol and drugs -- are laying a more positive foundation for his life.
How long does the IOP last? And is it BPD specific, or another focus?
Do they have a parent group at all? My hope would be that the more you can interact with treatment staff, and be on the same page with them, the better off you all will be, so that he can't play you guys off of each other.
He's been called up on disciplinary charges several times, and he's still trying to sort out some Title 9 charges from last Spring. My husband and I have had little to do with him in the last year -- he became so abusive last Fall that it felt self-protective to pull back.
As hard as it is, I think that's a wise move to allow him to deal with the real and serious outcomes of his behavior choices. Some people need to hit rock bottom in order to have an insight into what they need to change -- it'll be interesting to see if your son is like that.
I can't imagine it's easy, though, so I hope you have time for taking care of yourself, too -- doing things that don't always focus on him. As you're in this other city, maybe there's somewhere nice for you to visit, just for you? Have a tourist day?
-kells76