Silly little lumpen

[Cromwell]

Undoubtedly one of the most important lessons learned from sharing and hearing bpd relationship war stories is that some other members had so called highly functioning exs, in one case in a moment of dysregulation the partner with bpd dropped 100k dollars into the nons lap to. Avoid abandonment.

My story is much differnet and thats good in terms of understanding the differences within the disorder. My ex never had a job for all 3 and half years with me. Then when i finally left, she got one with the {always in background hidden} 'replacement.

And I've seen her since and she was so. Happy in her role of {fried chicken rotationer} genuinely so and worked alongside her new partner {the manager with a degree in chemistry) in symbiotic unison. Not sure what happened but didn't last long.

I quit my job but was living from savings and tax rebates which i took her on holiday with. Then she ruined it by gloating in bpd Queen narcissist wannabe how she had a job and i didn't.

Well 5 years later I'm a few months away from mortgage free. Degree educated. I. Relative terms 'lower middle class', i have jobs and savings and disposable income.

So.why do i get autistic thoughts on loop to throw breeze block through her window and usurp everything?

One for a therapist i suppose.

In the meantime she has an array of relationships all, failed and im happy with this obviously. She is lumpen, walking around in circles, dumb face, getting older and more drawn out from the alcoholism.

I still have alot of pain and it may never end, but as adaptive organism I've learned to live with it. It is my own issue probably genetic rooted, the only upside is I've proven that i can put myself first and not do anything self injurious {why would i do that to myself?)

To conclude, she is the lumpen untermenschen whilst i am the asymmetric uberrmenschen. And thats not my choice its just the way it is self evident and the state of play.

TLDR" don't waste your energy with revenge this is an illness just be thankful you don't have, if you understood this yojs6already know.

For those going through terrible time please realise it is temporary and ride through it to become stronger from the endeavour.

I ignore her very existence and in doing so ive her no fuel to use. If i happen to ever see her I'd recognise her as a threat as much as my immune system is primed now against sars2cov

But the key point is there is not a fear anymore. Ive seen through the guise and smoke and mirrors.

I would help anyone in emergency need including her as a human being, especially her, i hope she lives a long healthy life in the hell of agony that I went through, im British we don't give succor to the enemy.

Its rare i post here and w sign of recovery One-of the only things I recall is her smell. How i choose to associate it is the smell of the untermenschen. That's all i recall. And how her insane ramblings, threats and taunts came to nothing just a Specimen of previously unknown attributes now unveiled

[Skip]

So.why do i get autistic thoughts on loop to throw breeze block through her window and usurp everything?

One for a therapist i suppose.

Cromwell, you have been here 3 1/2 years and you haven't taken on the elephant in the room. You should do that.

You have wanted and tried to psychologically injure you ex for years. You've done some pretty outrageous things. That is something you need to get to the bottom of.

Yes, it was a bad relationship. Yes it was devastating. We have all been there.

When I read your posts, it very much seems like this relationship seriously damaged your self image - it wounded your ego - and that is a very thing to deal with. We all deal with this at some level, but you seem to be on the higher end of the scale and you seem very resistant/fearful to take it on.

Look at your posts - you keep telling us that you are doing really well and she is not doing as well as you.

It will really help you - change your life - to do the deep dive. It will be painful, but you will grow from it.

Skip

[Cromwell]

I think what's needed is a 1 dollar A4 writing pad and i can write these to her rather than being open letters here.

Let the Pandemic finish first, the therapists are bogged down. I need simply a mental rest from the fruit cakes not more 1 on 1 time. With them im done, I've hit my lifetime quota. Thanks all the same. Best,

[Gemsforeyes]

Hey Crom-

I believe you know as well as anyone that anything you would write to her (and actually send) would either be met with disgusting rage where you’d likely feel your back against the wall... or your words would be completely ignored.

She will NOT engage with you on your terms.  Ever.  Especially if there is anything written on that $1 paper that is even remotely critical of anything she ever did.  But you know this.  So unless you seek to engage with her on her terms where she just makes you feel worse, and silenced again... no need to punish yourself more.

I have a few little stories-
ExH of 19 years.  I didn’t know about BPD/NPD at the time.  He IS.  Our marriage ended the night he threw me across the room.  About 19 months later (9 months after our divorce was final and I had moved cross country), I left him a brief voicemail asking to have a 15 minute conversation to close out our 19 years.  I felt I *needed* a conversation so I could begin to date.  ExH phoned me right back, and said I could *have* 5 minutes.  He stated if I had anything further to say, I “could write it to him in a letter”.  I thanked him and hung up the phone.  I thought for about 30 seconds, took a blank sheet of paper, stuck it an in envelope and mailed it to him.  I realized I had nothing left to say to a man like that.  Nothing.

My exNPD/BPDbf... after one of our NUMEROUS breakups, I sent him an email explaining my feelings.  There were some very honest things about his horrific behavior in the email... things he and I had discussed before.  He called me (I thought to talk about it).  He said he was going to “show it to EVERYONE”.  I said, “ok, you do that, thanks for calling”.

And when ExBf last tried to engage with me in 12/2020, he wrote a long long text.  A very nice text.  And I know what he really wanted from me.   I DID expect that text at that specific time.  I did NOT and do NOT ever want to see him again, but at that time I was still afraid to block him.  My response “good to hear”.  That’s it and that’s the last he’ll ever get from me.

Crom - it’s hard to heal from this pain and damage.  It’s harder to get to the why’s of things.  And you’re right... it just is.

I realize now, I don’t want to be hard-hearted enough to ever get to the point where I could endure that again.  I now know who I am.  And it took that pain to find that out...to accept the sensitive soul that I am.  I am good enough.

So are you.

I wish you the best.

Warmly,
Gems

[SinisterComplex]

Undoubtedly one of the most important lessons learned from sharing and hearing bpd relationship war stories is that some other members had so called highly functioning exs, in one case in a moment of dysregulation the partner with bpd dropped 100k dollars into the nons lap to. Avoid abandonment.

My story is much differnet and thats good in terms of understanding the differences within the disorder. My ex never had a job for all 3 and half years with me. Then when i finally left, she got one with the {always in background hidden} 'replacement.

And I've seen her since and she was so. Happy in her role of {fried chicken rotationer} genuinely so and worked alongside her new partner {the manager with a degree in chemistry) in symbiotic unison. Not sure what happened but didn't last long.

I quit my job but was living from savings and tax rebates which i took her on holiday with. Then she ruined it by gloating in bpd Queen narcissist wannabe how she had a job and i didn't.

Well 5 years later I'm a few months away from mortgage free. Degree educated. I. Relative terms 'lower middle class', i have jobs and savings and disposable income.

So.why do i get autistic thoughts on loop to throw breeze block through her window and usurp everything?

One for a therapist i suppose.

In the meantime she has an array of relationships all, failed and im happy with this obviously. She is lumpen, walking around in circles, dumb face, getting older and more drawn out from the alcoholism.

I still have alot of pain and it may never end, but as adaptive organism I've learned to live with it. It is my own issue probably genetic rooted, the only upside is I've proven that i can put myself first and not do anything self injurious {why would i do that to myself?)

To conclude, she is the lumpen untermenschen whilst i am the asymmetric uberrmenschen. And thats not my choice its just the way it is self evident and the state of play.

TLDR" don't waste your energy with revenge this is an illness just be thankful you don't have, if you understood this yojs6already know.

For those going through terrible time please realise it is temporary and ride through it to become stronger from the endeavour.

I ignore her very existence and in doing so ive her no fuel to use. If i happen to ever see her I'd recognise her as a threat as much as my immune system is primed now against sars2cov

But the key point is there is not a fear anymore. Ive seen through the guise and smoke and mirrors.

I would help anyone in emergency need including her as a human being, especially her, i hope she lives a long healthy life in the hell of agony that I went through, im British we don't give succor to the enemy.

Its rare i post here and w sign of recovery One-of the only things I recall is her smell. How i choose to associate it is the smell of the untermenschen. That's all i recall. And how her insane ramblings, threats and taunts came to nothing just a Specimen of previously unknown attributes now unveiled

Crom, always feel free to share your musings. I have seen you come a long way. Just keep on keeping on amigo. But one thing I will say...honestly man who really gives 2 S 's what she is doing? It is irrelevant. You are doing good or better...that's all I care about. For the record, you could be slumming it and I would still support you the same. You don't have to impress anyone, just be YOU and my friend you are enough and you are good enough...PERIOD!

Cheers and best wishes to you amigo!

-SC-