I hope for your sake this isn't the start of a redo with this man. But I do think your encounter may have given you something most of us will never have: A decent (though not great) last conversation with your ex. That could be healing for many, especially those whose partners disappeared with no warning and never spoke again.
Yes this is exactly it - wile it wasn't exactly closure, it was at least a tiny bit better then him discarding me and never speaking to me again. After 3.5 months of him disappearing with almost no warning (he
did say "I'm not responding to you anymore") its at least nice to know we can be civil and I wasn't an emotional wreck. I guess it was confirmation that I am healing.
Let the encounter be just that and don't worry about what he was after. Just walk away.
Yes, this is what I needed to hear - don't worry about what he was after and just walk away. I plan to just walk away. I do not want to pursue it, even though it was a huge reminder of the parts of him I miss, I know now what he is capable of and the good parts just don't out weight the pain.
I'm just sorry that he showed. It sounded like you did what you could to avoid the (unexpected) meeting. You handled it well, mature.
I know how I think I would handle an encounter like this, but when it (and if it) actually happens I'm not so sure. My ex could be charming, and she has an etch-a-sketch memory so I am all but certain she would approach as if nothing happened. She was magnetic, even if I powered all my electo-magnets (feelers) down completely I would guess hers would still be super strong and pull me in.
If she didn't have such a strong pull on me, there'd be no reason for me to care about her 15 months later.
Thanks Ad...that is the tiny issue I still have - I am still attracted to him (that magnet!). If I hadn't experienced his BPD-ness I would be vying to get back together. But that BPD-ness makes it worth not even attempting a friendship because I
know how much of a pull he has on me.
Its sad really, I just don't have people I can talk to like I can talk with him (most people's eyes glaze over when I start to talk tech/data and he is as animated, excited and interested as I am about that stuff) and letting
that go has been the hardest part. I regret ever crossing the line into lovers with him because maybe we could have still had that friendship. Well, whatever, I can't change the past and it is what it is. I'm still working on letting that part go, I guess, but I know I have to for my own good.
Then you only have one option - stay away from him, block him. If you can't protect yourself when he contacts, don't allow him to.
You know, I think I actually do feel like I can protect myself. If last night was a test about being civil and not being pulled in, I think I passed. Granted, he made no overt attempts at anything so it was an easy test
But I feel good about my ability to be around him. On the other hand, I
do plan to stay away, I will not contact him... basically status quo as it has been for months. But at least I know that if he reaches out I'm in a much better place to deal with him. And I will
not put myself in a place to be alone with him where he can work his charms. And he may never reach out so...one day at a time.
