Partner has BPD but won’t accept it

[Autumn26]

Hi Everyone,
New to this! Just wondering if anyone has advice on how to approach my partner going to the doctor? Very long story short, have been with him 16 years, knew from the beginning something just wasn’t right, have been trying to find out what was wrong for a very long time all the while blaming myself or putting his exceptionally strange behaviour to the back of my mind blaming to much alcohol consumed by him etc, finally came across BPD & it was such a lightbulb moment, literally felt like someone had written a book about him. Pretty much feel our relationship is over as I can’t take anymore of it but would be willing to see a specialist with him as I feel his life would be better, have approached the subject of seeing someone before & was told where to go. Any help greatly appreciated.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[NotAHero]

Welcome to the forums, this is the right place.

 First I would advise you against confronting him or pushing him to go to therapy. This may sound like a bad advice but since he has not sought help then if he does have BPD it would most likely be unconventional type. The type that will not usually seek help. He will deny it, accuse you of having it, reverse the scenarios and gas light every example you bring up regardless of facts.

  Instead, continue to educate yourself about BPD. Read the 2 books “Stop walking on egg shells” and “Stop caretaking BPD/NPD”. Once you are ready you can decide a better way to proceed.

 Best of luck

[bugwaterguy]

Agree with reading Stop Walking On Eggshells (I like the Workbook better)

If your partner has BPD,  you probably won't be able to convince them of it.

You can change yourself and how you respond.  What behaviors are most concerning?