Looking for support, sharing, understanding, separated

[Rapturous]

Just thought I'd check this site out. Married for 41 years, separated for the last 3.  Just discovered that this is what I've been dealing with.

Anyone else trying to make the marriage last?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CParent]

Hi Rapturous, welcome! I'm currently still in my marriage and trying to make things work. We've been married for 16 years and have two young children. This summer, my husband split on me in a nasty way, and working with my therapist I learned he most likely has BPD. It's tough to deal with but learning this has really helped liberate me. He blamed me for everything wrong in our relationship, but it take two to make a marriage falter. Have you read Stop Walking on Eggshells? It really helps explain BPD and it's how I found this site. I'm in the middle of reading Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist and it really validates what I'm going through and it's opening my eyes to how I've contributed to our problems.

At the moment, we're living together in limbo. He claimed he wants to work on things but that's as far as we've gotten. He's in a major depressive state, and his therapist advises him to only focus on himself. So, I guess I'm either waiting until he can start focusing on us again or until I run out of patience and finally realize I need more, whichever comes first.

What kind of challenges are you facing?

[Cat Familiar]

  Welcome Rapturous,
You’ll see a variety of experiences here. Some people are dealing with partners who merely have “traits” while others have fullblown BPD. Even if a spouse only has traits of BPD, it can be extremely challenging. You can learn a lot here about this disorder and it is possible in many cases to have a productive and enjoyable relationship.

Check out the Tools section at the top of this page for helpful strategies and tell us more about your situation.

Cat

[Antonio123]

Hi all new to the site too and am grateful to read of everyones experiences. Im married 18 years w 2 young children and wife w undiagnosed BPD but her mother who is my closest ally and uBPDw 2nd target agrees this is probably what we r dealing with. Shes had an affair already once and ive forgiven her, but now wants a divorce but i still love her, and not sure this is just a test
Its all so emotionally taxing i feel for you and also am encouraged that others like yourself have been hanging on for just as long or longer so all the credit to you and good luck

The question im throwing out to you withkutndoubting your love for your spouse is are we stuck because of codependency? Or Can love really conquer all?