seeking support

[CompassionBird]

This is my first post. Wondering how parents of BPD adult children enjoy life (the holidays) while knowing your child is suffering.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[leopard]

Hi CompassionBird,
I read your question and immediately thought "(sigh)...we don't". 

I wonder if you could elaborate a bit more on your situation. Because the more I thought about your question and my answer I realised that while my answer is pretty negative this possibly, probably or hopefully, isn't the case for everyone. It helps to share our experiences, to get support, advice and a safe space to tell our story.

I'm struggling this year with my mental health so I'm concerned how this holiday season is going to play out with my DD26. I rarely look forward to things these days because of our history of events and the likely hood that "something will go wrong". But I will try and prepare as best I can as if it's all going to be fine, so that I can take the wins when/if they come.

I hope you get some enjoyment this holiday coming and your adult child isn't suffering too much...

[By Still Water]

Hello CompassionBird, and welcome,

I’ve found that I have to discipline my focus, otherwise I’ll let myself get stuck in thought-ruts. I surround myself with those who accept care...I remind myself that my adult child is responsible to seek mental health care - that his life is what he chooses it to be...I take peace in knowing we have not returned hurtful words, that we have extended good will, while not allowing ourselves to be manipulated...I meditate on spiritually healthy self-talk...I am a teacher, so focusing on lesson designs and students helps...I have a wonderful husband (his father) with whom I enjoy life...I remind myself of God’s mercy and love for us, and how He sees that we knocked ourselves out to be loving parents. I’ve stopped trying to control what is not mine to control...I won’t let the tyrant of shoulda, woulda, coulda discourage me. All this is easier said than done, when they’re out on their own; having BPD minors at home is heartbreakingly difficult.