I’m so sorry to hear your story, this must be difficult for you and your Aunt. I can relate, unfortunately. I don’t know enough about your situation to say if this applies, but you asked for relatable, so :
My BPD has always offered inheritance but never given it – she sees money as love and someone with a PD has a lot of self love. So they often see money as power and control. They know they can use family ties to control close relations, e.g. “honour thy mother”, “blood is thicker than water” but they will use money more with strangers, as they can’t control strangers as easily as they can relatives they’ve gas light for decades. This brutally cold realisation was necessary for me to escape the F.O.G. , boy was it hard to accept, because we kids are progammed to expect unconditional love - a BPD's love is always conditional. It's only after the con, they drop their guard/ mask and don't work the false story.
Hence when they don't think they can get anything more from a relative, they drop them like a stone, with a cover story. But as they run of tansactional love, it's what they got from the other person that they miss, not the person. It's not malitious, it's just because their minds work differently to ours. If you lack empathy, you can see that as a weekness to exploit, as most with a PD do.
Not sure if any of this does apply here, but if you are the child of someone with BPD, then you will have been gas light and groomed to believe your BPD does care about family and that the shame blame of their actions belongs to someone else. So don't take on any unfair shame here. You sound very empathetic so will have done the best for your mom and Aunt given the information you had at the time. You said you mom moved them away, this isolation helps control the message, so you'll probably never know the true story, but be assured that's not your fault. You can't change your mom's behaviour and a child of an undiagnosed BPD is programmed to believe mother knows best. All we can do is manage how we react to such realisations. Hindsight is 20:20. The points I make above come from BPD research so that when someone does push false news, all we can do is use that research to figure out what your mom or Aunt really did think. Presumably your Aunt also got something out of all this ? I hope this theory doesn't fit, but if any of this does relate, I'm so sorry you had to be part of it. How do you feel about all this ? How is your mental health ?
