SO of child of BPD mother

[plantgal]

Hello all, this is my first post on the platform.
I am the SO (f21) of a child who has a BPD mother (m24). We share a lot of the same values and vision for life, and love each other very much.
I read online that BPD can be passed on to children due to genetic and env factors.
How can I be a better partner to my SO who has a mother with BPD? He is quite emotionally reactive, smokes weed daily, and has some emotional difficulties which are very difficult for me to deal with due to a past traumatic relationship. He visited a therapist for about a year but decided to stop the sessions.
I feel like I can not continue to take his very intense emotional reactions to tiny things which warrant smaller, less extreme negative reactions.
I was previously in a relationship with someone who was bipolar and do not want to be in an emotionally unhealthy relationship. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Do you think he also has BPD?  Here’s a list of diagnostic criteria:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder

[thankful person]

Hi plantgal and welcome,
I’m new to this journey as I’ve been with my wife 7 years, but I only recently realised (through discovering this forum) that I do have some power to make changes and improvements in the relationship, which doesn’t require any cooperation on my wife’s part. This is going well for me and us. But my understanding is that it will always be hard work on my part, and can never be emotionally equal like a relationship with an emotionally healthy person… (whatever that is.. not something I’ve experienced myself). Good on you for wanting to be in an emotionally healthy relationship. If your boyfriend has bpd then it is like an emotional disability and he may never be able to see things from your perspective. I wish you all the best. The support and advice from the people here is incredible so I’m sure you will be able to improve things to some extent.