Hey everyone... I've been really struggling the last couple days. My boyfriend went to a doctor a couple weeks ago and it seemed to help, he was put on mood stabilizers-- we were able to have health conversations. However we recently tried to revisit a very painful topic for both of us, an incident where he cheated on me with his ex. It wasn't physical, he explained it as they were talking on the phone and there were 'sexual elements' to the conversation. This was a little over a year ago it happened, I wanted to talk to him specifically about him still texting this ex on holidays, as he puts it a 'innocent text to say happy holidays'. Obviously, this upsets me. The conversation was actually healthy, we didn't resolve the problem because we had to take a break from it because we both were too emotional-- but it was a good step. It was the next day things went down the toilet, he was very sensitive in the morning and got triggered over something very small(me suggesting using bananas in cooking, which he thought was very 'weird') and he then proceeded to not to speak to me for awhile. I reacted badly after a certain point, I think I cracked-- not my proudest moment, but I was very emotionally frayed by that point. I didn't yell or anything like that, but I grew anxious and pushed him a little too hard to talk to me about what was happening with him. He immediately shut down completely, and said he had to get ready for work and hung up. Ever since (2 days ago) he has been ignoring me and hasn't said a word, won't reply to my messages, won't even open the app to look at them.
I don't know what to do. I want to make up with him-- I'm afraid for what action to take. This hasn't been the first time something like this has happened, usually he doesn't ignore me/avoid me for this long. I'm lost as to what I should do-- should I call him? I've texted him a handful of times, mostly to say good morning/good night because this seems to have helped us in the past even though he never responds, it seems to soften him a little. I've texted him twice for other things, the first requesting to talk which he completely ignored and earlier this morning to say that I cared about him, I was sorry for my actions, that I wanted to stay by his side and support, and finished with that I was here for when he was ready to talk. I tried to be as validating as possible, I told him I missed him. I know that this is the point where I should detach and just give him time to come back, this is what I've been told to do by a therapist.
Does anyone else have any experience with this? I know I should follow the therapist, but I feel like he's waiting for me to push hard enough for him, like he wants me to make him feel like I really want him by calling him. What should I do? Does it help to push? Is that what I should do? He's told me in the past that when he is angry, what he really needs is for someone to face him without fear. That deep down he is afraid of people, and giving in isn't the solution for him. What do I do?
I genuinely love this person, as everyone on these boards love their pw BPD. I just want to support him.
