She's a survivor of abuse and that triggers some kind of caring instinct in me.
A lot of us here are like this. This could very well be a symptom of codependent tendencies and a therapist could help sort it out. Are you in therapy?
Today, I told her I was open to being friends again. I told her, I understood if she wasn't. We were friends for a year before we dated.
I am in the same position - we were friends first and after he discarded me the first time, a lot of my grief was surrounding the loss of the friendship. After the second discard I realized he really wasn't a good friend to me, that the "friendship" was very one-sided. I realized I gave and gave and he just took. It was draining. And yet for some reason I
still want to be friends with him.
I am actively trying to figure this out and am working with my therapist on my codependency. It is very likely that I gravitate toward him because I am replaying the neglectful parental relationships I had in my childhood. Its pretty messed up but by exploring my childhood trauma I am starting to see what it is that keeps drawing me in to these one-sided relationships.
She was a good friend prior to us dating. Is there a caring way to stop giving a ****? I want her to be happy, but I really wonder if this person should ever be in my life in any fashion. I want to help, because I've struggled with depression & drug abuse, but I don't know if its worth the effort, at all. Or perhaps I don't have to decide that now
I have come to the conclusion that the only way to stop giving a
is time and distance. True, 100% no contact. As long as she is in your life she will trigger that instinct in you and you will get sucked in (as me how I know). You
can care about her
without being part of her life. I have exes I care about - I hope they do well, I wish them the best, but I never see or interact with them. Its time to focus on yourself, be there for yourself, help yourself. I, too, battle with depression and it can be so, so rough.
In recovery for substance abuse they tell you not to date for at least a year - that you need to focus on your healing. (My dad was an addict, I grew up in AA/NA/Al-anon meetings) I think dating a pwBPD is similar to addiction - when it ends, you need to heal and to do that, you need to focus on yourself.
