How to deal with constant vengeance?

[RoseDance]

The relationship between me and my sibling is complex.  It's so difficult.

Our troubles began around about 7 years ago after a row. It was mainly instigated by me but it wasn't intentional.  It was busy hectic schedule that crept up on me and resulted in frayed nerves one night.

She went nuclear on me after this.  I found her to be passive aggressive and I was intimated around the home.  I tried to apologise to her but she didn't like it and she ignored me.

I found her to be very hostile.  She moved out from home a few months after that.  She was nuclear to me.  She was sending me abusive messages.  She was insulting me.  She was raising old rows that had noth8to do with us falling out.  It was irrelevant stuff but she was still trying to make points. I kept to myself and ignored her messages. Then she started threatening revenge. 

I changed my number. 

In the years since then she fell out with others siblings of ours and also a parent.  All for different reasons.

Since about 2017, she was extremely vengeful against the family. It's relentless.  The acts were many -
- Thousands of messages and calls
- fake profiles on dating sites and selling sites
- smearing to friends and employers
- reporting us to authorities on visas etc. Everything was above board. It was an anonymous report but we suspect it was her.

There was so much more despicable acts. She said and done things that you wouldn't say to your worst enemy.
 
It's relentless.  It's on and off and seems to come in with the phasing of the moon.
If she's not on my back, she's targeting other siblings or the parent that she fell out with with her vulgar and filthy mind.  When her messages filters through with fake profiles and reading between the lines she wants me to fix things with her.  I tried this before but she rebutted me. It's impossible to deal with the issues she's taking up because there's so much that is irrelevant and there's so much that is just trying to point score. It's almost as if she wants me to explain myself over my very existence.

She sent messages before saying
'you're dead to me'
We all got them messages in the family. Here she is still wrapped up in us all.

Law enforcement won't help us because they say she's not threatening violence and she's not threatening violence.  There's other deranged stuff and a lot of revenges.  A lot of shaming and humiliating the familtly to anyone that will listen to her. A lot o sabotage what we have. We don't share a life together anymore. She's estranged but she still won't leave us alone.  She's obsessed with the family. She thinks her happiness belongs in our hands and she wants to punish us in the hope that we respond to her and fix things.  I think this is what it's about but I don't know.  She's not a nice person.  Civil law is poor in my state so even civil law has failed to family too. The only option is an expensive injunction.

Do other people here experience this?

[beatricex]

Hi Rosedance,
I do think my BPd mom is all about punishing those she perceives have crossed her, yes.  And I have heard of my BPD's runins with the law (a neighbor filed an injunction of harassment against her and it was granted, for example), but I don't have a lot of concrete proof.  Some odd behavior she confided in me about, when her and my Dad purchased a vehicle from a woman a town over and my mother felt stiffed.

Strange emails to family members when she raged...yes, revenge was typically mentioned in those.

My brother in law once told me she bad mouthed me for years - he believed it all until she started to do the same to him, resulting in him reaching out to me and apologizing to me.  That was validating (for years I thought I was just imagining it, finally now I had proof).

Mostly, I think she enlists others to do her dirty work however.

Agree, this is all in the hopes she'll be happier exacting revenge.  Funny thing about that theory though is it doesn't actually make anyone happier!  (ask me how I know that).  Revenge feels terrible cause it is terrible.  I guess to them it feels powerful, like they're moving forward?  My mom justified her rage revenge to me once, she explained "clerks used to walk all over  me, now I stand up for myself!"  (That's what you call that?  I thought - it just looked like a strip down to me - let's see if I can humiliate this person). I don't really know.  I sometimes wonder what happened to my Mom in her past that makes her want to seek revenge.  I know in the small town she grew up in she was teased and tormented when she "had sex and got pregnant in high school" ( her words) 

Have you ever considered a legal name change?  If your sister can't find you perhaps it will die down?  Also I'm curious if you got off social media because of her?  Just some ideas.  I know it seems extreme but it might make you feel better.

b

[missing NC]

Hi RoseDance,

I'm not sure if you are still on the site, so I'll be brief.  In response to your question, yes, my family also experienced a "revenge"-at-any-cost approach from my sister for perceived wrongs.  I'm sorry to hear about what you have gone through.  I'm assuming, though I'm not sure, that when you mention her posting fake profiles you mean she is impersonating members of your family.  My sister has impersonated me - not online - but by phone.  There is a real sense of violation with such abuse.  My heart goes out to you.