threatens with suicide

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all,
A very serious topic, but it's been following me for months now.

My girlfriend with BPD threatened to kill herself  several times now:

- Saying she was going to take her car and drive in to a tree. More than once she mentioned this and once she was actually in the car, ready to leave, but I talked her out of it.
- She once woke up at night, went downstairs. After 5 minutes she came back. I asked her what she was doing, and she said that she was planning on taking all the pills in the house, but she didn't do it because she probably would fail, and the only thing she would be left with was throwing up.
- On another occasion she woke up and left the bedroom. I got worried and went after her. I found her standing naked with blank eyes in front of the stairs looking down. I had to pick her up and force her back in the bedroom.

I worried so much so I called the suicide helpline. They told me to take her to a hospital. When I told her what I did, she lost it completely. Calling me names. Blaming me for taking that seriously. That it was just something she had said, but was never going to do. That she could not believe that I thought she was seriously...

After this, she never mentioned suicide again. But I'm still worried of course. She also forbids me to talk about this with anyone.

Should I ignore it, and just believe her that she will not harm herself?  I hope you all say it is normal and she will never do it.

[T0M]

Hello all,
A very serious topic, but it's been following me for months now.

My girlfriend with BPD threatened to kill herself  several times now:

- Saying she was going to take her car and drive in to a tree. More than once she mentioned this and once she was actually in the car, ready to leave, but I talked her out of it.
- She once woke up at night, went downstairs. After 5 minutes she came back. I asked her what she was doing, and she said that she was planning on taking all the pills in the house, but she didn't do it because she probably would fail, and the only thing she would be left with was throwing up.
- On another occasion she woke up and left the bedroom. I got worried and went after her. I found her standing naked with blank eyes in front of the stairs looking down. I had to pick her up and force her back in the bedroom.

I worried so much so I called the suicide helpline. They told me to take her to a hospital. When I told her what I did, she lost it completely. Calling me names. Blaming me for taking that seriously. That it was just something she had said, but was never going to do. That she could not believe that I thought she was seriously...

After this, she never mentioned suicide again. But I'm still worried of course. She also forbids me to talk about this with anyone.

Should I ignore it, and just believe her that she will not harm herself?  I hope you all say it is normal and she will never do it.

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[Notwendy]

It's not normal to threaten suicide. A suicide threat needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional and not you. You did the right thing. I someone threatens it, call 911 if you need to. They need professional evaluation.

Yes, sometimes it's possible it's just a threat for attention and sometimes it's not. You should not take on the responsibility for assessing the situation. If you do, and don't call for help, then you are enabling the behavior.

I think suicide threats are more common with someone with BPD but they are never normal. Sometimes people act on them for attention, but unfortunately might end up harming themselves due to the attempt.

This is why all suicide threats need to be taken seriously and a call to 911 for them is the appropriate response.

[kells76]

Hi T0M, welcome from me, too. I'm glad you had the courage to call the suicide helpline. SI (suicidal ideation) threats are beyond our skill set to manage and need the attention and assessment of trained professionals.

I wonder if you've seen this thread yet, over in the "tools and skills workshops" forum:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0

It's a huge, huge struggle and burden to hear suicide threats from a loved one, whether they "mean it" or "don't mean it". As Notwendy says, it's not our job to figure out in the moment the severity of the threat.

I hope that in addition to looking through that thread and seeing how others have dealt with the threats, and reading Notwendy's feedback, that you can take some time to care about yourself. There is potential for a traumatic impact on you, having to hear and cope with the threats.

-kells76