Worn out

[Parents! Get help here!]

My only child, my 38 year old single daughter is wearing me out. We have severely been at odds for over a year. She was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in her sophomore year of college.  Has been on and off medication and therapy.  She is highly functional .  Has a great job, her own apartment and in those ways is fine but emotionally she blames me for her self harm/ hitting herself.  She won’t tell me if she is seeing a therapist or is on medication.  She says I have used it against her when I previously suggested she needed it.  After a year of therapy for myself I still don’t understand what is going on. After doing some discussion and reading I strongly believe she has BPDI just found a parent support group for BPD that will start in 2 weeks.  I have just finished the book Walking on Eggshells.  So much if it sounds like her.   The smallest thing can set her off.I’m more than willing to learn and change.   I’m so sad that our relationship is just so awful. It breaks my heart and makes me cry.

[CVK]

My only child, my 38 year old single daughter is wearing me out. We have severely been at odds for over a year. She was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in her sophomore year of college.  Has been on and off medication and therapy.  She is highly functional .  Has a great job, her own apartment and in those ways is fine but emotionally she blames me for her self harm/ hitting herself.  She won’t tell me if she is seeing a therapist or is on medication.  She says I have used it against her when I previously suggested she needed it.  After a year of therapy for myself I still don’t understand what is going on. After doing some discussion and reading I strongly believe she has BPDI just found a parent support group for BPD that will start in 2 weeks.  I have just finished the book Walking on Eggshells.  So much if it sounds like her.   The smallest thing can set her off.I’m more than willing to learn and change.   I’m so sad that our relationship is just so awful. It breaks my heart and makes me cry.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome and know you are in the right place.  Thank you for adding us to your network of support.  While there are no easy answers, we are kindred spirits here. Good for you for getting therapy for yourself- many of us do this.  In addition, I also go to a 12 step program for families like nar anon.  They teach us detaching with love.  The whole BDP thing is extremely sad and overwhelming, and as such we owe it to ourselves to also get help.  We are as important as the BPD adult child, and so glad you realize that.   Keep writing back here as you are able.