How do you tell someone that they might have BPD and need to see a therapist?

[honomonopomo]

Hi all,
My ex has all of the traits of BPD except for suicide threats and attempts. He self harms by drinking, binging, and spending money or making bad choices. I was a favourite person, he even said so, and went through constant idealisation/devaluation cycles. He was emotionally abusive and manipulative. The scary part was when he would become psychotic or split on himself and see himself as all bad. There were a couple of times where he thought that I wanted to kill him, even though I was nothing but kind. I'm a 115 pound asian woman with high tolerance and too much empathy from being around mentally ill family members my whole life. I've always been the caretaker. I'm currently in therapy for c-ptsd. I ended up leaving him because of the gaslighting and sadistic things that he would say. He would rage, stonewall, and shut me down or out so I had no voice or rights. When I was leaving, he tried to get me to stay but I thought he was a narcissist at the time and my health was declining. Now that I'm out, I can't stop worrying about him. I KNOW he has BPD. He alluded to being in gestalt therapy when younger and always having emotional problems. He doesn't seem to know the label of BPD. I bought a workbook for him, and some other books and info to see if he can relate. How do you tell someone that? He wants to be better and beats himself up, but is afraid of therapy because of stigma, and probably because of the work he would have to put in. I can't shake not telling him, because I'm the only one that knows what's going on.  When I left him, he was a mess!

[once removed]

hi honomonopomo, and

When I left him, he was a mess!

full disclosure: i dont have bpd. when my ex left me, i was a mess. as bad as anyone youll ever see on this board. ask the people that were around me.

in some ways, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. i was forced, in essence, to stand up on my own and confront my issues.

im not sure how it would have gone if my ex had tried to tell me what those issues were. she wouldnt have had a lot of credibility. thats part of why we broke up.

the thing is, as ex partners, we arent really in a position to help, or, for that matter, hurt, our partners. trust and credibility are gone. the focus is on the future.

ill put it to you this way: would there be a good way for your ex to tell you he thinks youre mentally ill and that you should see a therapist?

probably not. maybe, if you asked him. but you havent, and neither has he.

how are you holding up?

[Cant breathe]

After many years and far too many obvious signs, I know my ex has BPD. I also realized I can't help him; the damage to my mental health was too intense and I don't need to go back to say anything. He is a 55-year-old man who has been in the same cycles since he was 18. He cannot change. But I can save myself by staying away. This was a hard lesson because I generally help all human beings in need. But, with the discards, he is closed off to me and wouldn't hear me anyway. Best to save myself.
Save yourself, my love.