Hey The Suffering does lesson if we follow the Sound advice

[Goosey]

   Been awhile. No big breakthrough, no shining beacon of right or wrong. I can only say that if we listen to the advice of “no contact” and just wait out the devastating suffering it becomes a numb suffering and then a while later just a Lesson. A lesson of our own self worth.  Lesson of our our own actions, to be aware that we don’t need to devolve into chaos at all.
  All hiccups and difficulties are a part of life. I knew this from a early age. When involved in one of these relationships I became so off center and spinning the damage is … well bad and stupid and embarrassing. That’s the real kicker folks. You may wake up like I am and say “why the 12? Did I waste five years in this twisted game?   
   I’m ok with it. Just a heads up if your lucky you’ll get there. If your blessed it will take less time.
  Take care all. Just IT DOES GET BETTER! 
   Sorry… I just read posts and feel the hurt. Been there.

[brighter future]

Goosey, it's good to hear from you. I'm glad to see that you're still in a better place. Your posts nearly two years ago helped me when I was not in a good place, and I still appreciate it. Like you, I'm in a much better place than I was back in 2020. As far as no contact goes, that's truly the only way you can get past these difficult relationships and heal. I'm happy to say that I started dating again about 7 months ago. It's going well, and I'm happy to say that life does get better after being with a pwBPD.

Best wishes and stay in touch!

[rob66]

This is absolutely true. Eventually, (almost 6 months for me) they just fade into the past, and they stay there. They become just an experience, an "encounter," not a relationship.

[NotAHero]

How do you do NC if you have a small child together 50/50 custody and you have to exchange messages almost daily about him ? I know they say keep it firm and about the child but is that enough to heal ?

[Goosey]

Honestly my daughter was just out of high school when our lives totally unraveled so…. My advice doesn’t directly relate.
  Maybe all I can suggest is the ten second rule. Let yourself breathe and go a bit blank for a few seconds before any replies.
  In my situation I had the tendency to get swept up and just lash out to a lashing. It felt good for a moment but in retrospect it is self defeating.
    Our situation was awful. It was insanity really.
   Somehow now my daughter stays in contact with her mom. I do my best To not comment on any developments. It’s not a perfect world but nothing is.
   It can seem hopeless and never ending. Bit by bit it becomes the past. I would never have believed that unless I lived it.
  And oh!  If possible obviously have a therapist and or family and friends to lean on. This isn’t the first rodeo, many people can relate and just lend an ear.
Less is more when I had to communicate with my ex.