How do you answer when your BPD spouse forces you to feel a certain way?

[Husband2014]

My BPDw constantly tries to force me to feel the way she does. A classic thing she does and I have been fumbling the answer is something like this.

She absolutely hates my sister and thinks she wants to get us a divorce. She would do something like this “you know she wants to get a divorce, right? You agree with that, right?l” I dance around it but honestly would like to see shah have others done to answer this type of question.

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[Cat Familiar]

No one can “force” you to feel a certain way. The more you try to dance around the question, the more she will be suspicious of you, and rightly so. People with BPD have an uncanny sense about spotting insincerity, because they are hypersensitive about being abandoned or betrayed. And because of their behavior, what they fear frequently comes true.

Here are some possible replies:

“I don’t know what my sister thinks. I haven’t spoken with her about it.” (Only use this response if you can say this truthfully.)

“Maybe she does. It’s none of her business.” (If you have spoken with your sister and she actually thinks this.)

“I don’t care what she thinks.”

“More importantly, what do you think?”

“Other people’s opinions have no bearing on our relationship.”

“Let’s leave my sister out of our relationship discussions.”

[Husband2014]

Thank you