Does posting here ( in detaching) prolongs the healing or the suffering?

[NotAHero]

 We lament and express our pain. I wonder if that is a good thing or would it be better to just ignore it and try to move on better ?

 This has been by far my hardest breakup and I think it has to do with the way BPDs entrap their victims.

[Rev]

We lament and express our pain. I wonder if that is a good thing or would it be better to just ignore it and try to move on better ?

 This has been by far my hardest breakup and I think it has to do with the way BPDs entrap their victims.

Hi Hero,

On the first note - the answer lies somewhere in the middle I think. Depends on the day and that may be in fact because of your second note.

On the second note - I agree. Took me a little over two years to get her out of my system. And it took, I am almost sorry to say, for me to accidently come across a picture of her on social media. She looked ill, unhealthy. And she looked sad.

And I guess, that gave me the room to forgive her for the way she abused me. I most certainly would not wish to really speak with her, because that would just lead to nothing good. And at the same time, I have made my peace with her.

Hang in there.

Rev

[So many questions]

I have no idea but this is my only outlet. No one understands around me unless they’ve been effected by BPD. There is no logic.
I’m in a loop. I can’t beat the depression. I feel unwarranted shame for allowing myself to take such mistreatment. PLEASE READ healing. I’m trying to survive and not let my thoughts kill me.

Abandoned, used up, abused, cheated on, lied to, insulted at the highest level in every single way. The only outlet that really stimulates me is this forum.

[Rev]

I have no idea but this is my only outlet. No one understands around me unless they’ve been effected by BPD. There is no logic.
I’m in a loop. I can’t beat the depression. I feel unwarranted shame for allowing myself to take such mistreatment. PLEASE READ healing. I’m trying to survive and not let my thoughts kill me.

Abandoned, used up, abused, cheated on, lied to, insulted at the highest level in every single way. The only outlet that really stimulates me is this forum.

Thanks for sharing those powerful and honest words.  I found the same when I found this community too. I never believed before now, that "on-line community" was really community - if you get my meaning.  Not now. This place has been a wealth of support and inspiration.

I appreciate the way you have reached out. 

Thanks.

Rev

[So many questions]

You’re welcome. I need the support more than ever. My ex found her replacement. Completely abandoned me. She leaned on me the entire post break up, when she was going through stuff. She was saying the most loving things. We were connecting again like never before. Then boom. Gone.

I never knew the “you don’t exist” feeling bc the first 3 months of our break up she didn’t have a replacement and kept coming back to me.

Now that she has one. It’s literally like I don’t exist. She’s saying awful things about me on another smear campaign. And when I asked to speak to her, I don’t hear back. I’m called crazy for contacting her. I’m completely painted black.

Some people are so cold. Some can’t be alone. There’s no logic. Just destruction. The new guy will too feel it at some point. I feel like I’m in a reality show. I know she will contact me when something goes wrong with them. She leaned on me to comfort her in secrecy when her normal life wasn’t going how she would like.

I took whatever she gave. Gave her all my time and love and loyalty. and she will eventually miss that when this guy gets splitted

[DogMom2019]

I know she will contact me when something goes wrong with them. She leaned on me to comfort her in secrecy when her normal life wasn’t going how she would like.

I get where you are coming from... This is how my spouse has started to treat me. She has decided to tell everyone that we are getting a divorce but has yet to tell them that she texts, calls, and emails me all the time. So it's not enough that she's decided to end our marriage and the abuse that went along with it, now I am having to deal with the fact that it's all done in secret as to not embarrass her in from of her family for going to back to me, after my smear campaign to them.

[So many questions]

I get where you are coming from... This is how my spouse has started to treat me. She has decided to tell everyone that we are getting a divorce but has yet to tell them that she texts, calls, and emails me all the time. So it's not enough that she's decided to end our marriage and the abuse that went along with it, now I am having to deal with the fact that it's all done in secret as to not embarrass her in from of her family for going to back to me, after my smear campaign to them.

It’s not my wife but yes exactly that. I didn’t know till this weekend but my ex has told people I beat her up. Explains why she was so adamant about lying  to her friends and family about us hanging out. Alteast she found my replacement and doesn’t randomly decide to pull me back in. I don’t exist to her