Need advice

[Riko9495]

I am new to this BPD illness and I am in need of support from what I went through with my ex gf. It was a holiday and my ex went out (we were not drinking). She was sitting there staring at me telling me I’m feminine,  a B@t$&, Pu$&, every name in the book for no reason. She’s did this a few times. We went home and as soon as I got inside she started going off telling me the guy that came and said hi to us was really concerned about her. I talked to him at the place  we went out and we just casually had a conversation. Well she was in a rage and eventually started getting physical with me (punched me in the head). After about an hour she calmed down and went to bed. I woke up in the morning and told her that what happened last night pushed me to the limit and I told her I’m leaving for a few weeks until she moves out. Take note that when she was raging I told her I was going to call the cops and she told me she was going to tell them I hit her first if I did. (Which I would never lay a finger on a women). I got a hotel and the next two weeks were living hell. I was getting snapchats from her at another guys house (blocked her right after). Her telling me she had to beg some other guy not to call my work and destroy me. Sending me pictures of a third guy named Mike. Her telling me someone told her she should leave now because of my toxicity. I’ve been in previous relationships and I’ve never been accused of things she claims about me and I am respected by previous ex’s and their families.  She put on my Facebook I’m a cheater and a liar. She told me “I cannot believe how you handled this”. She started to go off on things about god and how I need to release her and bunch of weird/odd texts that made absolutely zero sense to me. She’s made me out to look like this horrible person that I’m not. Does this sound like BPD or some other mental Illness? Any insight will be really helpful

[MobyCloud]

I am new to this BPD illness and I am in need of support from what I went through with my ex gf. It was a holiday and my ex went out (we were not drinking). She was sitting there staring at me telling me I’m feminine,  a B@t$&, Pu$&, every name in the book for no reason. She’s did this a few times. We went home and as soon as I got inside she started going off telling me the guy that came and said hi to us was really concerned about her. I talked to him at the place  we went out and we just casually had a conversation. Well she was in a rage and eventually started getting physical with me (punched me in the head). After about an hour she calmed down and went to bed. I woke up in the morning and told her that what happened last night pushed me to the limit and I told her I’m leaving for a few weeks until she moves out. Take note that when she was raging I told her I was going to call the cops and she told me she was going to tell them I hit her first if I did. (Which I would never lay a finger on a women). I got a hotel and the next two weeks were living hell. I was getting snapchats from her at another guys house (blocked her right after). Her telling me she had to beg some other guy not to call my work and destroy me. Sending me pictures of a third guy named Mike. Her telling me someone told her she should leave now because of my toxicity. I’ve been in previous relationships and I’ve never been accused of things she claims about me and I am respected by previous ex’s and their families.  She put on my Facebook I’m a cheater and a liar. She told me “I cannot believe how you handled this”. She started to go off on things about god and how I need to release her and bunch of weird/odd texts that made absolutely zero sense to me. She’s made me out to look like this horrible person that I’m not. Does this sound like BPD or some other mental Illness? Any insight will be really helpful

All you need to focus on is that this is unhealthy. It doesn’t matter why she is acting this way. It could be she is knowingly lying, it could be that her past experiences have skewed her perception so much that she thinks it’s all true based on a different understanding of normalcy. But it doesn’t matter. She lied about you, she hit you, she threatened false allegations. I’ve been there, but it doesn’t matter. Live in your truth and know yourself. Don’t take it personally, it has mostly to do with her and not that much to do with you. She is likely even doing things to “hurt you” not to actually enjoy herself. Maybe try to stop reacting or caring. When you do (a) she feels like she still has control over your energy (you told her you were done), (b) she is playing victim because (I) you left her over her being an abusive mess, (ii) she knows that is the truth, (iii) she is likely emotionally suspended and acts like a child, (iv) that childlike thinking knows your truth, and so she (v) spins it for her narrative because she assumes when people ask what happened you will divulge her insanity. So she is striking first and building a narrative. Be the person in your own story, don’t get trapped as the bad guy in hers. Build your own future and do it the best you can in a way you are proud of. 

[Riko9495]

I never reacted negatively or showed jealousy to any of her insults and snaps/pics of the other guys. The last two weeks of the relationship was absolute chaos as she was very reckless and it’s like she had no control over her emotions at all. She hardly drank and the last two weeks it was like she was wasted every night. I am just lost of words and frustrated because I received no closure and i spent so much money on her because she would manipulate me into thinking it was normal or I was required too. This all happened so fast. I haven’t contacted her and will not in the future. She has sent me a social media request about 4 weeks in of no contact and I just blocked her right away on that too.

[mainecoon]

Hi Riko,

first of all, I'm very sorry that you have to go through this. That's really tough.

I cannot tell whether this is BPD or something else, but as Moby already said, right now it doesn't matter, as you should make sure you stay away from her and come to yourself again, which you apparently already do.
However, finding out about what is going on might help you to see that this is something that has been examined, and shows a pattern. That helped me with my ex-bf. If that helps you too, maybe do some research. BPD and other mental illnesses are comorbid very often as well.

But please consider what Moby already said: It's not you who did something wrong, it's her. Their brains are wired differently than ours. It makes no sense, what they say and how they act and I can tell you there’s no way we will comprehend that anytime, so don't even go down that rabbit hole, please.

The question is not: "What did I do that she hates me so much?"
But "What is wrong with her that she hates me so much although I didn't do anything?" And the answer is: A lot. And you won't be able to fix her. Just make sure you get out of that with at little damage (emotionally, physically, financially) as possible and never return but move on.

We're here to support you.