Mirroring and idolizing the replacement but coming to see me at the same time?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 After a short discard my ex started to come back to see me. We have a child together so we have to communicate. She says she just wants to be friends but it’s not just friends and she still devalues.

 My therapist said that she painted me black and is coming back for validation. Also said I should be careful because if she is convinced I’m evil she might get revenge ( for her delusional harm).

 My ex is saying she just wants to be around me and wants limited intimacy.

 Does anyone have an explanation ? I thought that while mirroring and idolizing they completely disengage from you ?

[NotAHero]

 After a short discard my ex started to come back to see me. We have a child together so we have to communicate. She says she just wants to be friends but it’s not just friends and she still devalues.

 My therapist said that she painted me black and is coming back for validation. Also said I should be careful because if she is convinced I’m evil she might get revenge ( for her delusional harm).

 My ex is saying she just wants to be around me and wants limited intimacy.

 Does anyone have an explanation ? I thought that while mirroring and idolizing they completely disengage from you ?

[Turkish]

My ex is saying she just wants to be around me and wants limited intimacy

What does that mean?

[NotAHero]

What does that mean?

Wants hugs and kisses. Not the friendly kind but not too intimate

[Turkish]

Wants hugs and kisses. Not the friendly kind but not too intimate

I think that likely normal, borderline aside. Mine wanted hugs also.  It dropped off with time. We might have an annual Christmas hug but that's it.

[So many questions]

How long was she with the replacement before she started to come back?

Therapist sounds right. Coming back to either validate her painting you black, she may not be sure. Or Her new r/s may be going through some things. Idealization there may have been thrown off course and she’s beginning the devalue of him.

You can never really know. And since you a kid and must communicate, old connection and feelings linger.

The friend with limited intimacy is a red flag. This is how my ex kept me in her orb without feeling too much guilt by being with her replacement behind my back, before I found out. Now she is completely disengaged and zero contact.

I think the “friendship” is manipulative and only benefiting her. The replacement is in for quite a ride.

[NotAHero]

How long was she with the replacement before she started to come back?

Therapist sounds right. Coming back to either validate her painting you black, she may not be sure. Or Her new r/s may be going through some things. Idealization there may have been thrown off course and she’s beginning the devalue of him.

You can never really know. And since you a kid and must communicate, old connection and feelings linger.

The friend with limited intimacy is a red flag. This is how my ex kept me in her orb without feeling too much guilt by being with her replacement behind my back, before I found out. Now she is completely disengaged and zero contact.

I think the “friendship” is manipulative and only benefiting her. The replacement is in for quite a ride.

 She started coming back just after 2 weeks. Pretty sure it is validating the painting black based on all the interactions I had with her.

[So many questions]

It might be that, you never really can know.

My ex is 2 weeks NC because she found my replacement. I have no idea if she will ever contact me again, this is the first time she found one after our break up.. My attachment yearns for it, but my mind dreads it.

I wish there was a feelings off switch.

[NotAHero]

It might be that, you never really can know.

My ex is 2 weeks NC because she found my replacement. I have no idea if she will ever contact me again, this is the first time she found one after our break up.. My attachment yearns for it, but my mind dreads it.

I wish there was a feelings off switch.

 I strongly encourage you not to allow the recycling. I know that it is very very hard when you love someone. I only learned and realized it through her last abusive act. I was punched, hit and slapped before she proceeded to destroy furniture.

 She is trying to reel me back in by being “so so sorry” and telling me how “different I am and how she will always love me”. All while continuing to mirror and idolize the replacement still.
 
 Trust the words of the great guy I posted in the other thread here. “ It is never about you and always about her”.

[So many questions]

I do not plan to entertain her recycle. Obviously it’s much harder said than done.

Hopefully, she is just done and like other BPD’s that I’ve heard about in this forum, once they find a replacement, that’s it. You no longer exist and never hear from them again.

I highly doubt that scenario as I have been her emotional rock through everything. I took so much. I belittled myself. I always forgave and comforted even if she cheated . And I think she will always hang on to that. But, her replacement could be the same. At which, there’s no need to ever come back to me.

I too was punched and attacked for trying stop her from breaking up with me for the 20th time, driving off black out drunk and do something impulsive. I was then called abusive for trying to restrain her from hitting me. She now tells people Im the one that hit her.

Don’t take her bait. Cut contact. I stopped talking to her and trying once I confirmed her replacement. I don’t have much self worth, but I have enough to not be the second fiddle. I let her cheat, but that’s way different then spending your days with someone, being intimate, telling your secrets, bonding. I was willing to go to the ends of earth for her, but I will not fight for someone.

I chose her. And never anything else but that. We deserve someone who reciprocates it. We hang onto to these people cause it’s easy and familiar.

I’m submerged in a new life. All my goals and dreams are gone. All my hopes for a family and wife, reset. It is the loneliness most painful feeling in the world.

But, it will pass. Idk when. But it will if we get away from these people.