Just checking in.

[Deb]

Hi all!

It's been awhile since I was here. I've been busy figuring out life stuff.

My BIL was diagnosed with NPD, which I pretty much suspected,
 along with dementia.  He passed away in September.  But he charmed and manipulated right up to the end. I did my best to support his daughter as she had guardianship over him. He called various people offering to give them his house if they brought him home and cared for him. He was in a nursing facility because of his medical conditions.  And he was declared incompetent and had no will. But, whatever. At his funeral I felt relieved.  I also felt forgiveness.  So let me tell you,  it doesn't get better with age.

Recently I have been watching videos by Lee Hammock, a man diagnosed with NPD, who is in therapy. He gives great insight into how narcissistic people think. It's been helpful to me.

And thanks to tools I learned from this place, I was better able to deal with BIL. I limited contact and stopped reacting to his nonsense. I would also hang up on him when he started in on me.

Stay strong peeps.

[HappyChappy]

Thanks for sharing Deb. It's great to hear you've come to terms with what must have been a difficult relationship for you.  It's always helpful to know things can get better. I've also gone from strength to strength since limiting contact to with those with a PD in my life.

I've always found comedy a great way of dealing with stubborn behaviour that refuses to change. I appreciate how hard it must have been for you dealing with an NPD with dementia. My mother is like that, but on the upside, every day she wakes up and  falls in love with herself again. Not a bad place to be, and that releases her children from having to pander to her ego. It's a win-win.

On a more serious note, we have noticed our BPD mother is losing her capabilities to gas light and re-write history. Did you notice the same with your BPD BIL ? Recently she excused her bad behaviour towards me by saying "But your sister wasn't born then" to which my sister said "Hello, I'm stood right here. I was ten, but you never really noticed me." I'm the scape goat and my sister the lost child in her triangulation. Her golden child hasn't spoken to her for decades. It's funny because it's true.  

So how far down the healing rout are you ? Can you laugh at what once was a trial ? I don't mean hysterically whilst rocking, I mean do you feel you've escaped the Narcassists web , re-adjusted from the gas lighting ?

[Deb]

Hi HappyChappy,

I can laugh at a lot of things. Like how my BIL was asking nursing home staff to marry him on a daily basis. Or how, even to the last days of his life, he remembered his exGF's phone number, but no one else's.  His daughter and I noticed he could manipulate to the end, but truly couldn't gaslight as well. He just lost some of his edge. He wasn't really too far into his dementia,  as you could have a conversation with him. He actually died of covid. He had a heart transplant 16 years ago and was on immune suppresants so his body wouldn't reject it. Plus he had diabetes and his kidneys were failing. He refused to follow doctor's orders.  I am glad I found the forgiveness I had because I don't hste him. Didn't love him. But don't hate him. His daughter is getting there.

I hope your healing goes well and when your mother passes. Things will go smoothly for you.

[Goldcrest]

Hi Deb  Just to say thank you for the recommendation of Lee Hammock. I have been watching his videos and they really do make for interesting viewing.