Hi all. This site has been an eye opener for me. So many things resonate and it’s such a relief to know that there are other people with the same experiences and I’m not alone.
My younger sister has always been ‘hard work’ and the family have been her enablers since she was a child - giving in to her crying and sulking just to keep the peace. I always accepted it and copied their behaviour, she was the ‘baby’ after all.
When I left to go to uni I think it triggered an abandonment reaction. She became a lot more combative and jealous. She married a guy she barely knew just so that she could get married before me and they have staggered through life since then, depending on my parents for financial and practical support.
Since my fathers death she and her husband have financially abused my mom, coerced her into getting loans and mortgaging her house, threatening her that if she didn’t do this, she would never see her grandchild again. Eventually they even moved in with her because they defaulted on their own mortgage and lost their house because mom couldn’t borrow enough to pay off their debts.
Since then my sister has been verbally abusive to my mom on a regular basis. I live overseas and although mom has mentioned some of this to me, I was not fully aware of what went on. To be honest, I just couldn’t imagine it. Normal people don’t behave like that.
My mom is the gentlest, kindest person you could ever meet and the thought of her being treated this way breaks my heart. But mom loves my sister and doesn’t know how to help her other than give in to her rages. It’s a pattern that has been repeated for 50 years.
Now mom is frail and my sister is her ‘carer’. Every couple of months I get a text from my sister yelling at me to get back home and care for my mom because she (sister) has had enough of her and is moving out (she’s not going anywhere - living rent-free and being supported by my mom is too good to give up).
Last week sis had major meltdown, mom is really sick and sister can’t cope. So she’s manufactured an argument with me and is now refusing to let me speak to my mom or to tell me anything about her condition. I am so heartbroken. Trying to follow the instructions here to SET and not JADE but it is so hard to stick to boundaries when she is throwing tantrums and upsetting mom.
Update: while is was typing this I got a call from her shouting and screaming down the phone. Mom is crying and sis is telling her dreadful things about me. I have capitulated. Apologised. Given in to her demands for money. Hate myself for doing it but need to stop the abuse for moms sake. When will it ever stop?
