BPD boyfriend controlling and unrealistic expectations covid

[Lovingsoulgirl]

I've been with my boyfriend for two years, there have been lots of ups and downs.
He is very similar to my mum in nature,
Both have all the symptoms of BPD of the narcissistic kind.
Unfortunately I think I may have BPD too but in the form of I get attached and have abandonment issues, I know I'm emotionally co-dependent.
I'm currently unwell with covid the past 3 weeks, I got it from my boyfriend. He was unwell and didn't tell me and wouldn't do a test. We were both unwell at my house and all he kept saying I was lazy for not doing the dishes even tho I had paid for a takeaway for us.
When I'm at his house and he's tired after work,I regularly wash up his stuff and cook and even buy dinner (ironically he's the one with the much larger income)
At first I started to help with it but now he expects it all the time.
He also said he wasn't attracted to me because I didn't look very good (I put a little makeup on for him and who looks good being really poorly?)
He moaned I was fat (reoccurring theme last two years..I'm size 10! ) My tum was a tiny bit swollen as I was near my period.
My hair was brown and he kept saying how great it would look black..I recently did it black.. to then have him say he preferred it brown.
So my question to you guys is, am I the one in the wrong with my insecurity ? Or is he being a narcissist?
The latest the other day was out the blue a message saying he doesn't like me and needs space and I said I'm still poorly but ok. He then said my covid is not his problem.. yet claims to love me other times.. I feel I've got more unwell because I feel rejected and at a loss, on edge and panicky. He isn't as poorly as I am and being asthmatic my risks are slightly higher of it being worse. I said could he pop over and we just have a cuddle and chill together..he's flatly refused.. it's a push and pull thing.. throughout past two years.. he accused me of cheating the other week because a male friend text me about starwars.. I would never cheat on him I'm totally devoted..maybe that's the problem.. any feedback or similar situations to know of would be helpful. Thanks in advance.
Report to moderator    185.93.2

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[tina7868]

Hi! I am sorry to hear you are feeling unwell, and it must be difficult to hear someone you care about saying they aren't attracted to you. I don't think you are wrong to have insecurities. I can relate to the feelings of rejection and panic you speak of.

Has this type of situation happened before? What have your days been like since he asked for space?

[Bvcruiser]

My situation was similar. Constant put downs and control. He sounds like as if is trying to change you, rip your self esteem away, then leave high and dry for another ‘resource.’ My advice is not to lose your identity for anybody. Don’t take insults. You deserve better treatment. Present yourself to yourself as you feel comfortable. Chances are that arguing with him won’t get you anywhere. If he is looking to leave or find another, don’t stop him. It will be hard and feel that you wasted time. But you will need the time to heal, like yourself, and be ready for somebody true to come into your life.

[judee]

Same here... Honestly it is never ok to criticise someone else's bodily features, let alone your lover's !
Like, would you do that to your best friend? colleague? These questions helped me to stay sane in times I was questioning myself.
Also, I am convinced that the way they treat you is a reflection of the way they treat themselves. Especially in BPD case this is a red flag because inconsistency in their emotions in inherent.
My take on it is that the one your ex ends up with really pulls the shortest stick, because he will be who he is to anyone. As long as you are not 'part of them' there is the idealisation... as soon as they see you as part of them,  devaluation follows.
You were protected by having the chance to get out of it.. I'd say take it! and yes, the chance to make room for somebody that honours you and is kind to you.