I finally had the courage to end it for good

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I finally ended the nearly 1 year relationship with my gf pwBPD and it's such a relief after cooling off and having supportive friends and family assuring me I wasn't the crazy one. She was a beautiful high functioning one with it seems some NPD traits as well. Reading this board really helped me detach from the gaslighting where every little problem was blamed on me but I finally hit my limit. It was just a normal afternoon where something I said was heard in a way that I did not say and after a few minutes was another intense episode of emotional abuse/ gaslighting/ guilt tripping. After the death threat to me if I said what I didn't say again, I told her to pack her bags. She tried saying it's just having an argument and "joking" , and saying I'm too sensitive, but I realize those are just abuse tactics to keep the abused with the abuser. We haven't spoken since, at home we are like ghosts to each other and it's so nice not letting a pwBPD have power over me anymore. I was really patient but hope ran out and I could not see myself trusting her again.

I have a lot of sympathy for those that are abused now as I fed myself into the cycle. I ignored the red flags of her saying that she likes toxic relationships, her attachments to former boyfriends, her fear of commitment, the number of men in her past, self describing her self as a bad girl, and ability to trust men. She always knew how to manipulate me back in and even tried to pressure me into marrying her for essentially her green card a few weeks ago.

I know there was no real love on her side by the complete lack of empathy and so easy to disregard me and already have a secret backup plan. This assured me that I made the right decision. Now I can look forward to moving on in a better direction. I still am sympathetic to her because she wants a life partner too and I was the closest she's been with a partner, but her own self is what is stopping her from being in a happy long term relationship. She's studied so much about her condition and has improved but she's never had the guts to seek help on her own as I could not push her enough to get the help she really needs. But, I had to realize I cannot be the enabler anymore as each episode got worse and worse the closer we got.

I'm so happy to have found this board and all these other similar stories have really kept my sanity.

[triceps]

I finally ended the nearly 1 year relationship with my gf pwBPD and it's such a relief after cooling off and having supportive friends and family assuring me I wasn't the crazy one. She was a beautiful high functioning one with it seems some NPD traits as well. Reading this board really helped me detach from the gaslighting where every little problem was blamed on me but I finally hit my limit. It was just a normal afternoon where something I said was heard in a way that I did not say and after a few minutes was another intense episode of emotional abuse/ gaslighting/ guilt tripping. After the death threat to me if I said what I didn't say again, I told her to pack her bags. She tried saying it's just having an argument and "joking" , and saying I'm too sensitive, but I realize those are just abuse tactics to keep the abused with the abuser. We haven't spoken since, at home we are like ghosts to each other and it's so nice not letting a pwBPD have power over me anymore. I was really patient but hope ran out and I could not see myself trusting her again.

I have a lot of sympathy for those that are abused now as I fed myself into the cycle. I ignored the red flags of her saying that she likes toxic relationships, her attachments to former boyfriends, her fear of commitment, the number of men in her past, self describing her self as a bad girl, and ability to trust men. She always knew how to manipulate me back in and even tried to pressure me into marrying her for essentially her green card a few weeks ago.

I know there was no real love on her side by the complete lack of empathy and so easy to disregard me and already have a secret backup plan. This assured me that I made the right decision. Now I can look forward to moving on in a better direction. I still am sympathetic to her because she wants a life partner too and I was the closest she's been with a partner, but her own self is what is stopping her from being in a happy long term relationship. She's studied so much about her condition and has improved but she's never had the guts to seek help on her own as I could not push her enough to get the help she really needs. But, I had to realize I cannot be the enabler anymore as each episode got worse and worse the closer we got.

I'm so happy to have found this board and all these other similar stories have really kept my sanity.

[Bvcruiser]

You made the correct decision for your own health and being. Two months ago, my ex girlfriend made some serious threats towards my friends being that she had some idea that I was cheating. Maybe it was her way of the final discard. Instead of placing her threats aside, I filed a restraining order and she was escorted out of my house by the police. It’s been no contact ever since, and will remain that way.

One of the things that help me a great deal to cope is the bpd family in which I read, accept, and understand that I am not alone as a survivor of a bpd ex. We deserve better!

[LaRonge]

I finally ended the nearly 1 year relationship with my gf pwBPD and it's such a relief after cooling off and having supportive friends and family assuring me I wasn't the crazy one.

Congratulations on getting out. You sounds like you're in a really good place with it, which is such a great starting point. I'm sure it'll still be hard but the fact that you realize you've found freedom is awesome. Good for you.

[triceps]

So she's still living with me and it's hard for her to find a new place. This morning she came to my room and tried talking to me again. She wanted us to clear the air and tried to reconcile with me like we have before. We had a very emotional conversation for a few hours and she doesn't want it to end, but I know it's something I can't go back to.

It does really pain me to end it like this with her crying so much and us apologizing to each other and trying to say how both of us can grow. I asked her if she ever loved me but she didn't answer  and said it is to hard for her to let go of everything and fall truly in love.

I'm a very calm soft spoken happy person  so I told her that this is not what I want, but I can't be with her.

[Survivor.123]

Hey Triceps,

I sent a private mail to you a couple of days back, if you see it and are interested in some further healing resources please let me know. I wish you well with everything.

Regards

Survivor