The final breakup

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been in a relationship for over 5 years with a partner living with BPD.  My life has been turned upside down by her, and we've experienced so many breakups I couldn't even tally them all.  Last year alone we broke up at least 10 times, but she always says all the right things and lures be back with her sensuality and promises of change.   It wasn't until about 6 months ago that I began going to therapy because of the emotional abuse I've experienced for so long, and it has been helpful.

Our final breakup happened earlier this week and it is a painful process.  She's just so cold, angry, unpredictable, and abusive.  The black and white thinking is extreme.  Where I was once adored, and showered with affection, I have now become an evil adversary in her mind and she seems interested in destroying me for treating her so badly. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone because of her gaslighting, immaturity, and unpredictable chaotic behavior.  It has really taken a toll on my mental health.

[lost_in_FOG]

I have been in a relationship for over 5 years with a partner living with BPD.  My life has been turned upside down by her, and we've experienced so many breakups I couldn't even tally them all.  Last year alone we broke up at least 10 times, but she always says all the right things and lures be back with her sensuality and promises of change.   It wasn't until about 6 months ago that I began going to therapy because of the emotional abuse I've experienced for so long, and it has been helpful.

Our final breakup happened earlier this week and it is a painful process.  She's just so cold, angry, unpredictable, and abusive.  The black and white thinking is extreme.  Where I was once adored, and showered with affection, I have now become an evil adversary in her mind and she seems interested in destroying me for treating her so badly. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone because of her gaslighting, immaturity, and unpredictable chaotic behavior.  It has really taken a toll on my mental health.

[NotAHero]

I have been in a relationship for over 5 years with a partner living with BPD.  My life has been turned upside down by her, and we've experienced so many breakups I couldn't even tally them all.  Last year alone we broke up at least 10 times, but she always says all the right things and lures be back with her sensuality and promises of change.   It wasn't until about 6 months ago that I began going to therapy because of the emotional abuse I've experienced for so long, and it has been helpful.

Our final breakup happened earlier this week and it is a painful process.  She's just so cold, angry, unpredictable, and abusive.  The black and white thinking is extreme.  Where I was once adored, and showered with affection, I have now become an evil adversary in her mind and she seems interested in destroying me for treating her so badly. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone because of her gaslighting, immaturity, and unpredictable chaotic behavior.  It has really taken a toll on my mental health.

Welcome to the forms where many of us went through what you are going through. It’s a painful process …

 From my own experience once you are recycling that many times and painted black, there is a discard coming your way.

 My advice is that you end it now and start healing to mitigate the upcoming discard. However, you know yourself better and you can do whatever works for you. Just be aware a discard is very likely.

[lost_in_FOG]

I can't go back to her anymore no matter how sexy or sweet she tries to be.  This break feels so very different than any of the previous versions and I think she is finally done with me (for now).  But really, who am I kidding?  I imagine she'll move on fairly quickly and fall in love again with the "perfect man".  But as soon as he's no longer perfect, the chaos will recycle in that relationship and when she's feeling empty, she'll reach back out to me.  

The worst part about my situation is that we work together.  Getting into this relationship with her has been the absolute worst life choice I've ever made, and the complexity of having to work with her is extreme.   Sometimes I just feel so hopelessly trapped in her web of lies, anger, and abuse.  It feels inescapable.

[NotAHero]

I can't go back to her anymore no matter how sexy or sweet she tries to be.  This break feels so very different than any of the previous versions and I think she is finally done with me (for now).  But really, who am I kidding?  I imagine she'll move on fairly quickly and fall in love again with the "perfect man".  But as soon as he's no longer perfect, the chaos will recycle in that relationship and when she's feeling empty, she'll reach back out to me.  

The worst part about my situation is that we work together.  Getting into this relationship with her has been the absolute worst life choice I've ever made, and the complexity of having to work with her is extreme.   Sometimes I just feel so hopelessly trapped in her web of lies, anger, and abuse.  It feels inescapable.

  At least you seem to be well aware of the BPD recycling dynamic. Capitalize on that and enlist the help of friends and family to stay away. In addition of course to the boards here where there are people who completely understand your situation.

 As for the work issue keep contact strictly about work only when you have to. No other form of contact so you can heal and she won’t invoke the same feelings as before when you see her. I have a child with my ex and keeping contact about my child is the only way to go.

[SinisterComplex]

I can't go back to her anymore no matter how sexy or sweet she tries to be.  This break feels so very different than any of the previous versions and I think she is finally done with me (for now).  But really, who am I kidding?  I imagine she'll move on fairly quickly and fall in love again with the "perfect man".  But as soon as he's no longer perfect, the chaos will recycle in that relationship and when she's feeling empty, she'll reach back out to me.  

The worst part about my situation is that we work together.  Getting into this relationship with her has been the absolute worst life choice I've ever made, and the complexity of having to work with her is extreme.   Sometimes I just feel so hopelessly trapped in her web of lies, anger, and abuse.  It feels inescapable.

Well welcome to the fam. Definitely continue to post, vent, and share as much as you want or feel comfortable with. The only thing I want to lead with for now is that we have to get you to change your mind set and perspective. You say she is perhaps finally done with you. That is where I have a problem. How about you switch to you think you may finally be done with her. Don't allow yourself to be the pawn or object getting tossed aside. Enough is enough. You've put up with enough BS  . Take a stand in your mind and say no more. Choose to love YOU, respect YOU, and hell just genuinely care about YOU.

Keep your head up. We will help you along this journey if you let us.

Please be kind to you and take care of yourself.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-