First post -

[Loyalty613]

Being as this is my first post and I don't really know how to express myself in writing I figured ill just make a short post about the current situation and not fine comb through every detail so my apologies if the post is a little rambling and missing context  I just don't really have the emotional energy to write in detail about the years of backstory and emotionally abuse which has already happened.

My wife for 9 years with which we have 3 children has already been diagnosed with bipolar for which she is taking medication but which is helping stabilize her moods but not helping the emotional abuse she is putting me through. A few years ago my wife went to see my therapist about how I can do better and what my faults were in regard to my relationship with her and the myriad of ways I can treat her better. My then therapist suggested I read walking on eggshells which I neglected to fully read until this week which lead me to this forum and writing this post. The catalyst for me finally reading the book was the toxic attitude my wife has dialed to 10 in our marriage over the past half a year. On one hand, she is telling me that she will never want a divorce but at the exact same time say that she wants to pause any sexual contact for the foreseeable future, with the reasoning she tells me is that she is tired of being hurt by me rejecting her and wants to figure out how to protect herself (and from my perspective is, therefore, is preemptively sabotaging any way to form a connection). She has 0 empathy for how she is making me feel and is now telling my new therapist (the last one she nixed since he had to audacity to say she might have BPD) about how I need to win her back and if I would just be %100 of the time attentive to her feeling then we would have a loving relationship I which she will no longer be scared of me hurting her and at which time she will agree to sleep in the same bed as me again. Currently, she is content to emotionally blackmail me as long as I keep helping her out with the kids and do all my fatherly duties but at night she will refuse to even spend time hanging out together unless it's on her terms. She is a great mother and my children deserve to have a mother and father therefore I'm committed to making this marriage work but its emotially taxing and I'm just trying to make things work.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

Reading SWOE was eye opening for me as well.  I'm glad you are reading it now.

Have you gotten all the way through it?  (this is a good book to read several times)

Can you give us some "he said she said" on the blackmail thing and perhaps we can help you with your responses.

Best,

FF