Mother's Day

[CryingGame]

My grandmother was grouchy about her mother so I've heard. My mother stopped talking to her mother for the last 20 years of her life but then sat by her deathbed saying I love you.

I, today, feel hate toward my mother, the same one who I also love. She has stopped talking to me for many years at a time and now done it again in January, a third time, and I am, at times, beside myself with hurt, anger, grief and shame. So many mixed feelings I just need to get some of it out here. I want to apologize. I feel LONELY today. I want a mother so bad, I want my own mother even. Is something wrong with me for wanting her? Her, who can be like a best friend and then sever me like I'm worthless? Ohhh I hate it so much and I feel ashamed.

People on FB, friends, celebrating their moms and putting pics of them. Why can't I let it rest, be at peace with the pain and sadness. I cried hard for a bit earlier.

Anyway, I am DONE. I am not doing this again. So need to get out of this depression or let it be okay that I feel sad and hurt and lonely.

Otherwise I'm grateful for my immediate family and feel guilty that my present moment is muddied with this. I'll be a good Mom today, be in the present moment with my son and husband as best I can. Thanks for reading. Love to all.

[Riv3rW0lf]

CryingGame,

Sometimes, we are depressed and it is ok. There is no shame in feeling out of ourselves.

Sometimes, we miss the mother we never had and it is ok. There is no shame in wishing we had been loved consistently.

Sometimes, we are angry at the unfairness of it all and it is ok. There is no shame in standing up for ourselves.

If you were your best friend, what would you tell yourself?

If I were, I would tell you to be gentle with yourself. You are grieving a mother, so mother's Day is bound to be more difficult for you and it is ok.

Mother's Day can be a day of depression. Sometimes we just need to feel depressed. And it is ok... A good cry helps.

Sending you lots of support on this challenging day.

And today ... Why not try to recognize the mother you became yourself? Happy mother's day to a real mother, happy mother's day to you.

[CryingGame]

And to you Riverwolf! THANK YOU SO MUCH for your reply, for letting me know I'm not alone!

Yes, I am present and happy with what I have and my son just arrived and I will enjoy my day. Yes, of course I'd have these feelings!

 

[zachira]

Mother's Day is hard for those of us who have a mother who is not the loving mother everybody deserves. We get it here, how heartbreaking and stressful it can be to not have a mother to cherish and love on Mother's Day, and to have few people understand that not all mothers are worthy of being recognized on Mother's Day. So glad to hear you are a loving mother and happily married.

[Goosey]

It’s a Hallmark made up holiday.  But so cleverly it has indoctrinated us. 
  Just another day. 
   We all have a link to feeling nostalgic about this fake holiday.
  If I didn’t I wouldn’t be posting. 
    ……. Won’t do it.  Won’t put out simple “happy” whatever.
  Never seen a whole can of worms….. can only imagine real vipers if I put out a simple heart felt fake holiday salutation. 
    But ya I’ll ping off this chat and know it ain’t worth it. Just oxogen for them and set up by myself for who knows.
 And I hear ya- my loss wasn’t my mom. Just my wife and mother of my daughter. So not the same I agree.
  I watched my daughter struggle through years in this day ;and many others).  It’s just a hallmark card day. Let’s just be happy we are ok.
   
     

[lm1109]

Anyway, I am DONE. I am not doing this again. So need to get out of this depression or let it be okay that I feel sad and hurt and lonely.

Otherwise I'm grateful for my immediate family and feel guilty that my present moment is muddied with this. I'll be a good Mom today, be in the present moment with my son and husband as best I can. Thanks for reading. Love to all.

I feel all of this today as well. I think the best we can do is feel it all and recognize that we have nothing to feel guilty about...we are having a human response to the hurt and pain that a mentally ill mother caused. I'd rather feel all of the pain then lack empathy/feelings and hurt the people I love. When I reframe it this way I can become grateful for all of my feelings instead of feeling guilty.

I spent the day happily with my kids and mother in law, this evening I'm planning a long bath to let out some of the tears! Lucky for us there are lots of moments in a day. 

[Riv3rW0lf]

I'd rather feel all of the pain then lack empathy/feelings and hurt the people I love. When I reframe it this way I can become grateful for all of my feelings instead of feeling guilty.

I never tried to reframe it this way, but it seems like this will help me a lot... Thank you for this piece of wisdom !

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi CryingGame,

This is such a difficult day for all of us here. Like you, I've struggled through the process and grieved my losses for many years. Today I thought about my mom but was thankful that she's no longer here, and I celebrated myself as a mom today. I so enjoyed the day free from FOG and must say it was such a blessing. It takes time, and do not shame yourself for the feelings of sadness and grief. They're normal feelings and healthy to be honest with yourself and allow the younger you and the present you to be real.

 
Wools

[CryingGame]

Mother's Day is hard for those of us who have a mother who is not the loving mother everybody deserves. We get it here, how heartbreaking and stressful it can be to not have a mother to cherish and love on Mother's Day, and to have few people understand that not all mothers are worthy of being recognized on Mother's Day. So glad to hear you are a loving mother and happily married.

Thanks so much. Yes, it just is heartbreaking and stressful.

[CryingGame]

And I hear ya- my loss wasn’t my mom. Just my wife and mother of my daughter. So not the same I agree.
  I watched my daughter struggle through years in this day ;and many others).  It’s just a hallmark card day. Let’s just be happy we are ok.
   
     

Yes, we can be happy we're ok and also grieve the losses. Your loss is very significant and kudos to you for learning and growing as a support to your daughter and whatever healing process you have been through for the loss of your wife.

[CryingGame]

I feel all of this today as well. I think the best we can do is feel it all and recognize that we have nothing to feel guilty about...we are having a human response to the hurt and pain that a mentally ill mother caused. I'd rather feel all of the pain then lack empathy/feelings and hurt the people I love. When I reframe it this way I can become grateful for all of my feelings instead of feeling guilty.

I spent the day happily with my kids and mother in law, this evening I'm planning a long bath to let out some of the tears! Lucky for us there are lots of moments in a day. 

I applaud your positive spins here! Hope you had a good day and a good bath and cry. I had all of the above. But, it is the gift that keeps on giving, this pain. I guess it's new, again, for me ... old and new and again and again. Sigh. Peace

[CryingGame]

Hi CryingGame,

This is such a difficult day for all of us here. Like you, I've struggled through the process and grieved my losses for many years. Today I thought about my mom but was thankful that she's no longer here, and I celebrated myself as a mom today. I so enjoyed the day free from FOG and must say it was such a blessing. It takes time, and do not shame yourself for the feelings of sadness and grief. They're normal feelings and healthy to be honest with yourself and allow the younger you and the present you to be real.

 
Wools

Thank you for your loving kindness. Shaming myself for my feelings, ohhh gosh, how does one stop doing that?

[missing NC]

Missing your mom and having mixed emotions on Mother's Day is completely normal, CryingGame. This is the first year I have seen a smattering of articles on the fact that the holiday is not cheery for everyone. I hate to see you castigate yourself for having completely understandable emotions on a very fraught day. 

[CryingGame]

Thank you Missing NC. I, too, noticed more articles about that this year ... have felt it so many years. peace